I drank a Red Bull and it DIDN'T give me wings. Lying bastards!
My girlfriend told me she faked all of her orgasms. I told her that was okay since her sister never did!
Hey, how come there's never been a country tune called "I Found Another Woman's Lipstick On Your Penis"?
My girlfriend asked me what I was thinking about and I told her "butt stuff". She's never asked me THAT again!
Hey, how come during Shark Wekk on the Discovery channel you NEVER see a documentary called "Shark Hummers: Nature's Unexplored Fetish"?
Did you hear the one about the guy with five penises? His pants fit like a glove!
This girl asked me one time to send her a dick pic. So I sent her a picture of former president Richard Nixon!
So Chrissy Teigen, a Catholic priest and a Boy Scout troop leader walk into a Toys R Us . . .
My girlfriend told me she told me she ordered Chinese the other night. I asked her how many Chinese did she order?
I asked a guy one time if he ever Googled himself. Then he punched me!
So my favorite episode of "King Of The Hill" was the one where Hank gets buggered by a dolphin. (That's something you NEVER saw on Flipper!)
A "woke" book: I'm OK. You're A "Racist Sexist Incel Terrorist Nazi"!
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has come out with her very own "special" candle that's made to smell like her very own vagina.
That wasn't a joke, BTW. She actually DID that!
Seriously! Go look it up for yourself if you don't believe me!
Of course, it could have been worse. GP could have made a "special" candle that was made to smell like herass!
Now THAT would have been shitty of her to do!