I'm gonna eat ice cream even if it kills me. I'm just so fed up of feeling good. I can't stand it any longer. And you know what else, I'm really tired of how I always smell great.
It's really starting to wear me down. Like, I'm serious, I cannot believe how amazing I am.
So anyways, I've decided to start smoking cigarettes and eating at McDonald's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's just not fair to the rest of humanity that I'm always so perfect.
I've also decided to brush my teeth every other day from now on.
I do feel like I'm getting the effect that I wanted. People are not giving me as many free things as they used too. I'm also getting pulled over by the cops far more frequently than ever before.
I hope that you will be inspired to lower your standards as well, that way we can all have a little less pressure on our backs.