I was walking through the woods when suddenly something landed on my head. I was shocked! It really hurt! I looked up to see who was there. I knew it- Jay Leno!
"Hey Jay, get your BUTT down from there, you television personality!"
"Haha, do you feel sorry now, Dave? Hehehe!!"
"Come down here if you wanna talk! I'm not interested in screaming!"
Jay let out a loud cackle. He hopped from one branch to the next. He wasn't coming down.
"Quit it! You're gonna hurt yourself!"
"I'm a big boy, I'm a proud father!"
I took out my phone and dialled 911.
"911, what's your emergency?"
"Yes, hello, I'm currently walking through the woods and Jay Leno is here throwing things down from the branches."
"Is he naked?"
"Yes he is, actually. It's horrific."
"We have someone on the way."
"Thank you!" I hung up and continued to follow the sounds of Jay's echoing voice. I felt like a wildlife explorer studying orang-utans in the Amazon.
"I've called the police, Jay! You're going to need to come down sooner or later!"
A massive anvil made a deafening THUD as it landed in the dirt right next to me. I looked up in horror. "You could've killed me! Have you lost your mind?!"
"Hehehe!" He giggled, as he dropped a lead anchor. I dove into a bush.
Suddenly the sound of a helicopter became apparent. I looked up and saw a police chopper hovering next to the tree where Jay was. A booming voice came out of a speaker.
"Get on that ground and place yo hands behin' yo head!"
"Fine, but only on one condition!" Screamed Jay over the roar of the helicopter blades.
"What is your condition?"
"I want to be made Chief of Police!"
"Ok fine, you got yo-self a deal!"
Jay cheered and clapped his hands. He jumped out into the air and floated to the ground like a flying squirrel. I nodded my head. Justice had been served.