Peik Lin's Great Advice

Only after it comes out of the dryer is it laundry

[sushi restaurant]

If your significant other asks you if you’ve been to a specific place and you have but with your ex, no you fucking have not

Tinder to add new gestures for matching:

The Triple Dog D.A.R.E

As I ordered my beer at the bar, I gave the bartender a once-over

DOCTOR: Her foot is going to be ok

Talent Agent: I have a headliner but need an opener, you available?

TOM HANKS: So after the 1 hour long pitch, this is it?

Wife: Well, do you like it? Your dad and I drove to the middle of nowhere to get it

Me: Sooo MRI, tell me, is there a Mrs

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, sir?

Me: *out of breath after my figure skating routine, awaiting judge’s scores*

Upon re-listening to “Hound Dog” by Elvis,

A League of Their Own (1992):

[phone rings]

Ponder the orange

When I can't open a jar I think "how pathetic are you gonna look asking a male neighbor for help?"

Women are from Venus