*wakes up in the middle of the night, sweating*

friend: did you get her diagnosis?

Two bananas in a field, running towards each other in slow motion before engaging in a tight embrace

DEVIL: I'M HERE TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL TO BURN FOREVER!

me: in preschool, the teacher had us write our favorite color and i accidentally wrote "red" instead of "green"

me: so?

[playing connect 4 with odin]

god: *angrily looking down at earth*

her: it's pill-ow!

bank robber: all right