I sleep with a cow
That would be unkind.
And I'm not (mostly) unkind
No, I sleep with a real-life, actual cow
And when I say sleep with a cow
I don't mean - well, you know
Dirty minded sinners
We just sleep
Well, except when we're awake
Then we're just in bed together
Anyway, I can't exactly remember how Cow
came to be in my bed
I think it's got something to do with the time
That I fucked with the mafia
And I think there might have been a shortage of horses at the time
And it's probably a lot more difficult to behead a cow than it is a horse
So I got the whole cow
Anyway, that's just a theory
I'm certainly glad they didn't behead her
because we've become very close.
And I doubt we'd have developed such a meaningful relationship.
If she was just a head.
Anyway I named her Cow
She didn't say her name was otherwise,
So it seemed the obvious choice
and I quite like yelling at her "oh, you silly cow".
When I'm cranky.
I suppose that's mean, but she doesn't seem to mind.
Anyway, we're together now.
(And to reiterate). Not together, together.
She's just my udder woman.