At long last, it's March, the last month of school. Every student (including me) is preparing for the final exams on March 5.
After that, there's pretty much nothing to do except lounging around the school.
March 5 didn't take too long to come and the exams started. I was able to answer most of the questions feasibly with an exception to History and Mathematics.
Reviewing isn't that hard as long as you put enough effort into it. Luckily, the energy I've invested in self-studying paid off.
The days of struggles had ended and the time to slack off had arrived.
Or so I thought...
"Before I let you all students loose, everyone is obliged to write what their goals in life are. All of you probably already know what to do since you also did this last year."
My mind had the same response as last year.
I don't know what to do.
The body of mine froze in place as I thought of something to write.
The thing I want to do in the future is to keep on living, other than that, there's nothing but emptiness.
Some people want to be 'this', some people want to be 'that' but when it comes to me, I have no idea what to become.
All my life has been me, following the flow of events in my life and accepting whatever situation the currents led me into.
Those currents are initiated by the people around me, without them, there are no currents.
Me following the flow resulted in me losing all of my confidence and self-esteem. If I were to create my own currents, I could save myself from the troubles brought by people surrounding me.
However, I have no sense of direction in life. I don't know where to direct the currents I would create.
My thoughts kept cycling over those sentences as time went on. Everyone in the class passed their paper and I still haven't written anything.
That's it, I'm giving up!
I handed my paper that contained only a single word over to our teacher.
"'Undecided'? I won't accept this, give something that at least mentions the flock you want to be in. If you can't come up with something for today, then take some time thinking.
I'll be setting your deadline on 17."
A sudden realization crossed my mind.
My teachers in first year are shit, they didn't care for their students in the slightest.
When I was about to grab the paper I gave to her, she started writing calculations and made it her personal scratch paper.
My will to take the paper back immediately dispersed after I saw her writing at an astonishing rate.
After I sat on my desk, Jeremy popped on to my side.
"So what did you write?"
His appearance startled me and my soul silently screamed in fear.
"It was invalid. What about you?"
Maybe he could give me some clues on uncovering my aims in life.
"Why did you choose it?"
"I like tinkering with mechanical parts and I heard that the payment was decent."
"Why settle for decent when you can have greater income in other professions?"
"More money doesn't necessarily mean winning. You'll get tired of your job in the long run if it doesn't involve your personal interests."
Personal interests huh. I'll consider that as a lead.
"That makes sense."
"Now back to what you wrote on that paper. Why is it invalid?"
At first, I was embarrassed to tell him this but his eyes sparked interest, in the end, I gave in.
"The truth is...I don't know what to become or what to do in the future."
"That really is a problem."
Jeremy scratched his chin while I was stuck in this awkward silence which I abundantly despised although it didn't take long until Jeremy started speaking again.
"Try merging your personal interests, talents and the practicality of whatever profession you've taken a liking to."
This is a very helpful guide. I know how to distinguish my talents, the problem is the personal interest. Anyways, how can I show him my gratitude?
"Thanks for your advice. Want to have a drink after classes?"
He replied with a smile and big nod. This is Jeremy, how could he refuse when alcohol is involved. Hopefully I won't get drunk and lose my way towards the house...
Ahh shit, my mother's gonna kill me.
The class ended and Jeremy and I went to a convenience store and bought a couple of beers. Mio kept following us even if I told her to go home without me.
Our way of speaking became harder and harder for Mio to comprehend as we gulp more. After an interval of time, Mio left due to the frustration of being left out.
We finished drinking somewhere around 6:30 and thankfully, we aren't drunk enough to lie on the streets or puke all over the place.
Nevertheless, the effects of alcohol are still in effect, it's hard to walk while being dizzy at the same time.
I got inside the train and tried to remain awake as possible. My vision was starting to discombobulate and I thought that people were avoiding me inside the train.
In reality, there are only a number of people within the train.
While I was busy trying to stand straight even though the seat beside me wasn't occupied, I heard a voice of a girl indirectly calling for help.
"Shh...be silent or I'll do something to you."
I tried looking around to locate where the voice is coming from. My stupid ass was looking around so much that I didn't realize that they we're from the people nearest beside me.
The sight was a girl in a school uniform being molested by a man who if acted as a pornstar, an ugly bastard tag is a requirement on the video.
My sense of rationality was down so I was not able to assess the situation and spoke without thinking.
"What the fuck are you doing with that girl?"
"Don't interfere with my pleasure time!!"
The ugly bastard revealed a pocket knife and was about to stab my right side, below where the kidney is located.
When I saw the pocket knife, all of my senses came back to their normal state.
Holy shit, what have I entered?!
Thanks to the adrenaline of my body, I was able to redirect the movement of his hand and avoid the pocket knife.
Just before his hands lost momentum, I grabbed his arm in place and tried to inflict as much pain as possible by attacking it using my knee to disarm that specific limb holding the pocket knife.
His grip loosened and soon dropped the pocket knife.
The face was still showing an expression of pain, his defenses were down so I took it as an opportunity to punch his face until he lost consciousness.
"Thank the gods he's neither athletic, good at using knives nor carrying any firearms."
The focus of mine was centered on the ugly bastard that I forgot how and why I got into the fight. When I glanced at the face of the girl, I quickly recognized her.
She was that girl in the play that asked me to show her to Mio and Jeremy.
"Thank you for saving me, Philip."
"Be thankful that I wasn't sober when I initiated the fight. Who are you anyways."
"Sorry I didn't introduce myself at that time. My name is Arail."
"Then Ariel, take care next time you're going home alone."
We arrived dropped by the same station and gave the ugly bastard to the authorities. The bystanders were willing to give their statements about the situation.
They concluded that my actions were an act of self defense thanks to the number of witnesses having the same statement.
However, the true victim here is Arail, it will definitely leave a scar on her memories.
While walking towards my house, I noticed that Arail was tailing me. In the beginning I thought it was a coincidence but she kept following me even inside my neighborhood.
"Why do you keep stalking me?!"
"I'm not stalking you."
"Then prove it, show me your house!"
After a few meters, we arrived at Arail's house.
"What the fuck? You're my neighbor!?"
"Whatever. Take care the next time you're alone."
I entered the our house fully confused.
= = = = =
To identify a long-term goal in my life
Pinpoint my personal interests
= = = = =