In the end, I couldn't sleep well and ended up getting up exceedingly early. Mio is still asleep and clinging to my arm firmly.
If I were to use an immediate force to Mio for her to loosen her grip, then her waking up is possible.
Patiently removing her fingers one by one at a slow pace is the best course of action so as not to disrupt her slumber.
Succeeding to Mio's detachment to one of my limbs was me grabbing my wallet and venturing to the cold outside. However, my mom was in the kitchen taking a drink of water.
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere I do not want to disclose. If they ask where I'd gone, please tell them that you don't have any clue."
"The sun hasn't risen yet, what are you planning to do."
As my mother became progressively worried, I added a little detail to at least lighten her mood.
"I'll be back but not until dusk."
After that, I stepped outside.
Now that I distanced myself away from home, where should I go? Mio knows me as well as my mother so finding a place of refuge they might not know will be tough.
Somewhere they rarely see me or perhaps never. That's it!
My funds inside my wallet are enough to make a two way trip to the nearest seaside. As a trade off, I won't be having lunch today.
Now that I arrived at the beach, my feelings started to settle down and my thinking came back to its previous state.
How can I face Mio after all the things that happened. There are more people that are considerably better than me yet Mio still chose me as the one she likes.
I am just a scumbag who has some talent but doesn't deserve to receive any love. Mio picking me is practically the same as wasting her life and I don't want that to happen.
What could I do to avoid that outcome?
Could I change Mio's impression towards me? Making her upset is too much, being rude might do something. Altering my attitude from nice to a despicable person.
Breaking my image doesn't mean a thing if the exchange is to make someone's life pleasant.
= = = = =
Make Mio despise me
= = = = =
Now that my actions in the near future are decided, all I have to do is wait for the day to pass and go back home.
Christmas and New Year ended before I could even feel its presence. Although Jeremy and Mio gave their greetings through leaving a message, I remained cold and shut my eyes in return.
January 5 was the day we came back to the norm.
Classes started and I intentionally made myself late in order to avoid the time we might have if I were to arrive earlier that can be used to socialize.
Proceeding to the class was lunch. I saw Mio waiting for me but as soon as I tried to approach her, my body lost its ability to move.
I can't face her in my current situation, let alone be rude to her.
Mio stood up and chased me and so I ran and ran. Eventually I found myself hiding inside the boys restroom.
She can't go inside here so I should be safe in the meantime. To think that Mio is prohibited from entering here, this can be my haven for the time being.
Lunchtime soon came to an end and I went outside the restroom.
What I saw was something that never crossed my mind, Mio was still waiting without even considering that she looks like a pervert who's trying to peep.
This takes a ton of will power to be this persistent.
While we are having our class, Mio would attempt to have a conversation with me. Nonetheless, I would simply ignore her and let her be caught by our teacher.
After the final classes ended, I will instantaneously blend in with the crowd to avoid Mio since I can't muster my confidence to appear before her eyes.
When the situation gets a little rough, I would do things no person in their right mind would do just to avoid her.
An example of that is barging through the hoard of people in order to make way for myself.
Call me stupid but I'm doing this for her.
This painful cycle of Mio and I lasted for a month. However, an unevadable confrontation with Mio occurred which resulted in the so-called cycle being broken.
Good morning pathetic me. Another day of me running away from her. This is starting to get pretty tiresome.
The morning routine was the same as usual. Wake up, eat breakfast while at the same time watching the news, taking a bath, brushing my teeth and dressing up.
Just like the past few weeks, I purposely made myself late. However, Mio didn't bother trying to talk to me inside the class.
I guess she's also beginning to get tired of our rat and mouse situation. That might be a sign of progress. There are about two more months till this school year ends.
Could I endure this burden for two more months?
Lunchtime shortly started and Mio did not try going after me. It seems like she has lost all her hope and that's good.
In contrast, Jeremy came over at my table and had a conversation with me.
"What had gotten inside your head for the past weeks."
I have to remain in my rude, despicable persona or else Mio might discover my intentions.
"None of your business."
"You really have changed in a short amount of time. You're not the Philip I got used to so it might be hard for me to adjust."
I feel bad for being ill-mannered towards him. If my conscience remains to grow, cutting off my connections to him and others is necessary.
If I won't do it, then it's highly likely for me to be suicidal and worse, killing myself.
"Want to hangout?"
"No, I have more important matters to attend to."
"What is it?"
"It won't be necessary for you to know."
"Why? After all, we're friends."
What's pushing him to be this eager? Fine, I will lose nothing if I were to tell him.
"Sir Nate has something important to discuss with me."
"I'll accompany you later."
Damn it, I can't get rid of Jeremy. This leaves me no choice, for sure sir Nate will make Jeremy leave right after the discussion starts.
The last classes ended and Jeremy and I went promptly to the Literature Office.
"Oh about that, I'll just tell you about it tomorrow."
"Didn't you tell me that you are about to say something very important today?"
"You have to face something more important today."
My mind felt like all of the wrinkles in my brain disappeared for a moment. Figuring this is the same as giving a rubik's cube to a monkey. I can't make any sense of what's happening.
"Looks like we won't be needed here, let's take a visit at the park"
Jeremy's smile was similar to a hunter's smile who just caught a prey. I feel something terrible is about to happen.
Upon our arrival at the park, we sat at a nearby bench as the sun started to set. Jeremy began to relentlessly look at his phone.
"Oh, I forgot something inside the classroom. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."
A few peaceful minutes passed of me firmly looking at the sun as it sets. While I was occupied being stunned at the scenery, someone sat beside me.
"Doesn't the sun setting look beautiful?"
That voice, there's no doubt about it.
My legs moved on their own and I started running away towards the grassy fields of the park.
"Stop running away from me!"
After hearing her words, my legs froze and no matter how hard I try, I cannot mobilize them.
I'm petrified and I have nowhere to hide. This is the deadend of my road I'm racing on. The face of mine now is the very definition of despair.
"Mio, why do you keep going after me?"
My mutters were too soft for her to hear. This is my greatest fear not for myself, but for Mio.
"Tell me. Why do you keep running away from me!?"
I'll tell her all the reasons on why I'm desperately running away from her. I'll tell her all the consequences if she were to choose me. I'll tell her how undeserving I am for her.
I'll tell her how much of a scumbag I am. I'll tell her how much of a worthless person I am. I'll tell her how deeply I want her to live a happy life with someone worthy of her love.
"Why out of all the people you can pick from, you chose me. I'm a scumbag and worthless person who doesn't deserve a drop of your affection. I want you to find someone who's worthy for you."
"Answer me. Who are you doing it for and why?"
"You because I love you-"
Mio sprinted and gave me a painful slap on the face.
"Lies. All of what you said was nothing but lies."
This is a sacrifice that needed to be made. I know to myself that I'm not lying yet she said that I was. What is she trying to convey?
"How can and dare you love someone else if you can't even love yourself in the first place. You're better than this so I want you to-"
When my consciousness absorbed her words, my face began to flood over with tears. Now I know why she said that I was lying. I've now realized what foolishness I have done.
From now on I'll start to-
= = = = =
Make Mio despise me [erased]
Learn how to love myself
= = = = =