Mattis: "Sir, North Korea launched a nuclear weapon."

SON: Why is dad acting weird?

Trump: How do I kill the Putin rumors?

HER: You make a mean lasagna!

Go ahead

(watching TV)

hay

[Last Supper]

Jesus: Do something!

[job interview]

Me: I want a new car

*goes down on wife*

CW: Trump sounded like a president last night!

Aide: Here’s the update on Hurricane Harvey

ME: Can you explain the scoring in curling?

Do not ask if the glass is half empty

Peña Nieto:

ME: Alexa, what’s the weather?

CW: May the fourth be with you

I just found a bag of cucumbers and carrots in my mom's fridge labeled "VAGITABLES"