My first true love...
"The corner of my memory", a full pen and an empty paper lying on one side, "in the corner of my childhood house".
Looked it at with awe and wonder, dreams flashed through the eyes of the young child, a life filled with the first love whizzed in front of him.
A tune, a calling, a song rang in his ears, attracting him to the home of writing, an abode of art, the world of words.
The beautiful words flowed through his ear as he looked at it with fascination, filled him with the fire of passion, the soul of expression, the heart of writing.
"I looked up to you, I yearned for you", I longed to finally touch you and express the wonderful message in my mind. Oh, how much I just wanted to pick up the pen and just express the fire in me.
"When I touched you with my small finger", electricity passed through my hands and doors opened in my mind, showing the void of creativity and expression.
It was a way to see inside myself, to have a friend in the midst of isolation and loneliness, a way to preserve my tears inside the paper.
"I feel so nice mom, I feel so nice", when I can finally go into the world of my imagination, finally put into words the emotions, the hardships, the love, the hate, the sadness, the happiness, the joy, the despair, the lows, the downs, just the entire cosmos.
I didn't value you, "I didn't know your significance back then", I didn't care much for you, I didn't remember you, I didn't recognize you. Forgive me, will you? "Back then, I was just content with just looking at you".
One day, when all cameras face me, when all spotlights shine on me, when towers of gold rise up near me, when I get a place among the stars on earth and sky, when liquid gold flows through the fountain pen,
when electricity runs through the papers, when I change my words to the whims of strangers online, when my expressed world is on the back of some untouched books, when I stop loving you, "don't feel sorry for me".
Papyrus, walls, my own skin, an electronic screen, some blank paper, a dusty typewriter, a recording device, a note on a phone, a sophisticated book, an internet blog.
"I will get to meet you again, no matter what form. Greet me happily then".
When I was a lost young boy who had big dreams, big emotions, big worlds of imagination, all too big for the tiny brain, body, and heart to contain and keep.
You were there for me, my only friend in the dark hours, my only faith in the black thoughts of loneliness, my only companion on the gray roads of destiny. "Without repulsion, you accepted me".
You were not like the humans of the outside world, selfish and self-centred, all you cared was about me, all you did was listen to me and help me concentrate, organize and figure out my own thoughts, dreams, and emotions. Just a boy, I was and am without you.
You make me who I am, you are in every part of me, you are an essence of my very own soul, the fabric of my dreams, the skeleton of my imaginary worlds. "I am nothing without you".
"We laughed, we cried". What didn't we do together? Everything I went by, you were there by my side. We fell in love multiple times together. We got heartbroken multiple times together.
We went through hell together. We flew through heaven together. We reminisced the past together. We foretold the future together. "Those days with you, those moments are now in memories".
Every rock, every stumble, every bump, every hill, every swamp, every desert, every mountain, every jungle, every ocean, we went through together.
Many times, I raised my hands and slumped my shoulder, giving up, saying "I really can't do any more".
When despair visited us, when desertion came by, when isolation plagued us. "Even when I pushed you away. Even when I resented meeting you." Even when I burned you up.
Even when I forced you away from me as far as possible. Even when I deserted, isolated, gave you up. "You were firmly by my side". You didn't even say anything, you were just there, resilient, accepting and forgiving.
"My birth and end of life". The dawn of my birth. The steps of my little legs. The falls of my fate. The slumps of my shoulders. The despair of my heart. The salvation of my faith.
The heartbeats of my love. The breaths of my happiness. The twinkles of my childhood. The stories of my imagination. The books of my journey. The pages of my destiny. The songs of my soul.
The fabrics of my being. The last words of my suicide. The dear letters of my death. The tears of my last moment. "You will be there to watch over it all".
"Don't let go of my hand forever. I won't let go of you again either".
A promise that is. A promise I intend to keep forever. A fate I have signed on to forever. A path of destiny I intend to walk on forever.
My first, last and only true love...