I was a fag. So were all my friends back in middle school.
Only one or two of us were bi or gay. But to everyone else in the school, we were fags. Every single one of us. And we didn't give a fuck.
It was true Darwin, our middle school. 1990s suburban America. It was animal. Social selection. There'd be regular ass-kickings. Kids in the hallways kicked, punched from behind.
Group beatings in bathrooms. Faces in toilets. Faces slammed into lockers. Wedgies. Purple nurples. Ears flicked. Seats yanked out.
We rarely participated in such barbarism or fought or picked on others, but we would fight back when necessary, and we'd mostly lose, catch a beatdown.
Because we were fags.
Spazzes. Weirdos. Kids with fucked up haircuts, kids who wore out of fashion clothes, shopped at Goodwill stores and changed clothes when our clothes somehow became in fashion.
We were fags.
We read tattered secondhand sci-fi books, horror books by Stephen King, and we wrote shitty poetry, graffitied dicks and balls, tags,
band names and haikus on bathroom stalls and played in shitty basement bands full of out-of-tune, distorted guitars,
off-tempo drumming and shrieking tone deaf vocals; our punk covers so horrendous they'd make Kurt Cobain want to shoot himself again.
This was before school shootings, mass shootings were a regular occurrence.
Probably one or two of us would have shot people, given the chance, like probably that balding asshole, beer gut vice principal or the burning breath teacher who verbally abused us,
turned his back on the bullying.
Or maybe we'd have blasted a jock or two, shot up a football or basketball game, if we had the opportunity, had the idea, but it didn't really register as a thing back then.
Like, why would we? We'd rather hang at home, smoke weed, strum guitars, and play video games, shoot people in video games.
At least in video games you can shoot people and not have to go get beaten and buttfucked in jail, or not have to shoot yourself afterwards.
Plus, you can hit the reset button, play a new game and keep shooting people... Video games are definitely better...
And you might be thinking that we never got laid, because we were fags. But we did. Maybe because even the shittiest garage and basement bands attract groupies.
Maybe because girls liked "bad boys" and weirdos.
All of us had sex at young ages, but the girls we fucked weren't cheerleaders, but were also fags, girl fags, girl versions of fags, girl weirdos and potheads. Girls with limps.
Girls with big tits but small asses. Girls with small tits and big asses. Girls with speech impediments. Girls who wrote poetry and cut themselves.
Almost every girl we knew had been raped by the jocks. The jocks were always raping people, sexually harassing girls.
One girl with big tits, at her old school, had a running back after her, constantly cornering her,
ordering her to show him her tits and finally the running back tried to tear off her shirt in the hallway.
And he got away with it too, because he and his parents complained of racism and because he could play football...