When people get too tall they start to look like suspicious politicians. I'm serious, this isn't some kind of joke.
I first noticed the uncanny resemblance when I was traveling to Salt Lake City last March. I was on my way to apply for a job as a janitor. I was taking the bus all the way there from Calgary.
I was sat next to this massively tall man whose head was higher than the ceiling. He had to hunch the whole way there. The poor man was in tears because of the horrific pain in his neck.
"Man, you don't know the kind of pain that I am in."
"I sympathize with you but I can't empathize with you. For that I need to feel your pain first hand. Here's what I'm going to do.
I SHALL SIT WITH MY HEAD HUNCHED BETWEEN MY KNEES FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS RIDE!"
"What on earth for? Don't you know the agony you're about to submit yourself to?"
"I cannot stand to see a fellow man in distress and not understand his pain."
The tall man praised me and declared me a saint as I hunched my head between my knees. I was immediately surprised by the intense pressure I began to feel in my neck.
It was horrible, but when I really became scared was when I tried to bring my head back up and realized that my back had locked itself up. I was trapped.
"OW OW OW OW! THIS HURTS!"
"Yah I told you it would! Listen! I need to get some sleep, can you wake me up in an hour?"
"You can't go to sleep now!" I screamed. "We were supposed to suffer in our pain together!"
"I will still be suffering in my sleep! Now please don't disturb me as I get some shut eye!"
For the next hour I howled in agony all by myself. One by one the passengers began applying earmuffs to block out my desperate pleas for help. My tall companion slept like a babe.
I hated his guts. This is why I don't trust tall people no more.