I was at the play ground with my son. I was being a good dad by supporting my child on his birthday.
"Thank you for joining me on this very special day, father! I can really feel the love!"
"Five more minutes, Jack!" I screamed at my son. "Do what you gotta do and then we outta here!"
"Ok father. Won't you come down the slide with me one last time?"
I was about to say 'no way Jose, but then realized that my wife had told me to be nicer to our boy today. "Alright, Jack. One last time and then we are SO DONE with this stupid playground!"
My son laughed so hard as he ran to the top of the jungle gym. I followed, grumbling all the way.
The other children on the playground looked at me weird as I climbed the ladder. The parents were also starting to stare.
"Hey!" Shouted one mother. "The playground is for tiny children, ONLY! It's not for large bodies like you-."
"Who you calling large bodied?!" I spat. "I'm here to support my son and I'm gonna go ahead and ignore your ignorant ass!"
"That's hardly necessary!" Said a young man. "This is not the time for verbal attacks! Get down from there and, we'll all go for pizza! How does that sound?"
"Take a hike, Moe," I grumbled.
"My name is Stanley!"
I ignored Stanley and joined my son and the top of the castle. There were two slides, side by side. My son and I took our seats.
"Are you ready, father?"
"Come on, son. Let's not drag this out any longer, yah?"
My son let out a loud laugh as he pushed off and slid down to the ground below. I pushed off myself and screamed instead. Halfway down, however, I got stuck.
My large be-hind was wedged between the slide walls. "HELP ME!"
"You can just stay right there and think about what you've done!" Declared the young man.
"GET ME DOWN!"
"You gonna be there all night, fella!" Shouted the woman.
I gazed up towards the heavens and asked God why he had cursed me with such poor look today.