"Take some of my advice kiddo" I say, placing my hand on my daughters shoulder. "You know what I think the best thing for you to do is?"
"What's that, papa?"
"You should get a job!"
My daughter jumps to her feet and storms into the kitchen. "I told you- I'm not interested in talking about these things with you! You're too judgmental!"
"Oh come on, give your father a break!" I plead. "I'm just concerned about what you're going to do with your future!"
"Well then stop worrying about it!" She says looking me in the face as she walks to the table with a bowl of oatmeal. "Stop concerning yourself with MY business!"
"But i'm your papa, it's my job-."
"You act like I sit around all day watching TV! Just because I'm not at some restaurant with a name badge doesn't mean that I'm not working towards something."
"Now come on, sweety. Raising a family of hogs does not count as hard work."
My daughter stares at me in horror, her mouth hanging open. Then she whispers, "I always knew that you thought my farm was a joke."
"You built a barn the size of a dog house and jam-packed 5 pigs inside! You feed them the leftover dinner that I make for you!"
"I'm going to harvest them when they're ready and sell them as Canadian Bacon!!!"
I start blinking profusely and draw a circle in the air with my two index fingers. 'Ya know what? NO! That's IT! I've had it!"
"I want you and those hogs out before sundown tonight!"
"You can't just kick me out! You need to let me know ahead of time!" Stammers my daughter who is beginning to go red in the face.
"NOPE! You're out!"
I spin around and walk into the living room. I grab my laptop and open Facebook. I begin typing a post. 'Good news friends.
I have finally mustered up the courage to kick my daughter out of my home! She will be leaving this evening and she is taking her hogs.
I'm thinking of throwing a little 'Backyard Barbecue' to celebrate. Let me know if you can come!' I hit 'post'.
Three hours later my daughter is at the door with two suitcases and a large red wagon with five squealing hogs squeezed together.
"So you really want me to leave?" She asks as she struggles to pull the wagon out the door.
"Yup! Have a good time in the real world!"
"Can I have $20 for the bus-."
I slam the door shut and let out a long sigh of relief.