Yesterday was garbage day and I must admit that it was perhaps the most horrific day of my life.
The day started as normal. I was awoken by my pet pig who screams at 7:33 sharp every morning when he wants breakfast.
I filled a large trough with bits of food and he and I ate together in harmony, our mouths snapping savagely at the buffet of food before us.
After that I spent the next 2 hours painting a portrait of Mussolini. The folks down at city hall paid me a small grant to paint a collection of insane dictators from the 20th century.
At around 10 AM I started taking the garbage out to the curb. I was supposed to have done it the night before but I was 'oh so lazy', as they say in my native tongue.
As I was dragging my pet pig across the sidewalk I saw the garbage truck round the corner and make it's way to my house.
"Good morning, son!" Said the driver as he put the truck in park.
"Got some garbage for me today?"
"Oh yes, I have a lot! Let's begin with this hog!"
The garbage man gazed at my pet pig. Then he looked at me and began to shake his head.
"You middle class suburbans are all the same."
"Yah- you know what?" He screamed as he started drawing shapes in the air with his index fingers.
"I have had it with this junk! Let's do a little 'turning of the tables' as they say back home!"
The driver exited the truck and walked around to the back of the truck. He began grabbing junk and hurling it on my lawn. "How does that feel! Are you enjoying this?"
"Stop it! I beg of you!"
The man would not stop and my pet pig was starting to panic from the commotion. He was screaming like a goat. I made a split second decision.
I hoisted the hog onto my back and jumped into the drivers seat of the truck. I put it in gear and drove up the street.
Now my pet pig and I travel these lonely roads in silence. We're not sure what we're looking for, but I think we'll know it when we find it.