The kettle was making lots of noise. I sighed in frustration because I had finally gotten comfortable on the couch. "I'm coming!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs.
"Hurry up!" Cries the kettle. "The water is really hot and its starting to hurt!!"
I enter the kitchen, turn off the stove, and pour the hot water into my mug. "You have one job, and that's to make water hot! How can you complain about this?"
"I just don't see the point anymore," whimpers the kettle as I place him back on the stove. "AIGHHH! The stove is still hot! Please place me elsewhere!"
I sigh and move him to a different burner. "This is what you do! This is your purpose in this life!"
"Well then I don't wanna live!" He sobs.
"What's the point of it all?! I'm just constantly getting my bum burned and the only time you ever give me any physical affection is when you dump my insides into your mug! I am so lonesome!"
I shake my head as I add a bag of tea to my cup. "Life is a constant struggle for us all, buddy! But I think you're looking at this through the wrong lens." I take a tiny sip of the tea.
It's very hot. "You need to start taking pride in what you do! There's a lot that you have going for you!" I pat the kettle on the handle and proceed to leave the kitchen.
"HEY!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!" He screams in horror. "STAY WITH ME!!!"
I walk over to the sliding glass door and step out onto my patio. The sun is just above the trees and the dew on the grass is beginning to evaporate into the air.
I let out a long sigh of relief and take a seat.
"Oh hell YES!" Moans my chair.
I jump in slight surprise, spilling some hot water onto my jeans. "What's the matter with YOU?"
"It feels so nice when you sit on me. I've been out here in the cold all night and your bum is nice and warm."
"Oh- well I'm glad that I can help."
"Listen, I gotta tell you something." Confesses the chair.
"I think I'm depressed." He whispers.
"Oh come on, not you as well."
"It's just that I feel like my life has no purpose. I'm out here all night long, cold as hell, and then I only see you for ten minutes once a day. I feel neglected."
I firmly place my cup onto the glass table and storm inside. I find my cell phone and dial a phone number. A woman answers.
"Junk and Furniture Removal, how can I help you today?"
"Hi there! I'd like to have some things removed from my house today!"
"Certainly! What size of disposal bin would you say you need?"
"Send the biggest one you got! I have many things that need to go!"
"Of course, how does 2 pm sound?"
"It sounds perfect."
"Well we'll see you at 2!"
"Amazing, goodbye!" I hang up the phone and release a deep sigh of relief.