Yesterday I was just walking through the park when suddenly a squirrel jumped from the sky and landed next to my face. I was horrified, ok?? I have never seen this kind of animal up close.
I also want to say that I don't think that anybody deserves to know what a squirrel's stomach smells like.
So, anyways. I was just there and I was crying like a weirdo. So I took a sip of water and cried some more and then eventually a paramedic came over to me and asked how I was feeling.
I said that I was feeling absolutely god awful. You know what I mean??
"I understand, my friend. What I also want to tell you is that you have mascara all over your face. You see, when you cry your makeup starts to smear."
"I think I can tell that you're being truthful."
"Good, I'm glad because I am being truthful, you little furry man.
"Are you saying I have a lot of hair?"
"Ok, fine. Would you like to get some ice cream sometime?"
"Ok, wanna go now?"
This man and I left my crying spot and went and got some nice ice cream. It turned out to be a wonderful day.