WARNING! Swearing, vulgarity and pure nonsense ahead. Viewer discretion is advised.
Ryan was walking his normal route home when he noticed a glimmer from in the bushes.
"What? No I must be seeing things."
He ignored the glimmer and kept heading towards home.
He had an abnormally long day.
People screaming in his ear, pulling on his hair, one person even spit in his face.
You know, a normal shift at the thrift store.
He was a block away from home and he saw the glimmer again, but this time someone was there to witness it, his neighbour Janice.
"Oh my God Ryan, did you see that!?"
"Yeah, what the hell was that!?"
They both approached the glimmer and they couldn't believe their eyes.
Janice screamed and fell to her knees and Ryan just stopped and stared like a deer in headlights.
It was Ryan Reynolds.
He grabbed Janice and threw her across the road.
She landed on her neck and died immediately.
He stopped and stared into Ryan's eyes.
"We're both named Ryan..."
Ryan Reynolds whispered something like Professor Snape into his ear, a secret I don't even know.
He swaddled Ryan like a baby and put him on the ground.
As Ryan Reynolds did so, he kept counting to ten then saying "Did I do that?"
After the third time saying the Urkel phrase, he pulled down his pants and starting shitting into Ryans mouth.
It was a little runny and corny, and he kept going until he could no longer see his face.
Ryan Reynolds laughed and flew away on his mini Ariana Grande robot and never encountered another Ryan without shitting in their mouth.
Ask for Ryan, he stood up looking into the nice sky, licking his lips.
His eyes glistened.
"Oh... Did I do that?"
That's my mind on a couple hours sleep, half an hour until I have to work while sippin on an ice coffee! Hope you enjoyed it!