the first 72 hours of rock bottom
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feloniousincrediblesubstantial.tumblr.com
Autoplay OFF  •  9 months ago
say rock bottom is when you stop digging yet i still keep a shovel

the first 72 hours of rock bottom

by felonious

748am

i awake to the sound of my dog jumping on the hardwood floor in the kitchen, her excitement over being fed in the morning is an all too familiar noise and today it is my alarm clock, again.

*i am withdrawing from heroin, crack and benzodiazepines

over the past 8 days i have stayed up 120 consecutive hours injecting grams of heroin, smoking grams of crack, eating xanax and klonopin, with liquor and cannabis. then sleeping for days

this morning i feel the effects of the drugs no longer in me

i am irritable and my nose is running

i need money

i have a watch that i have been holding onto

i stole it a while ago, when i was younger, and worked at a carwash

848am i leave for the direction of a pawn shop,

i know there is one close by. i arrive at the pawn shop and approach the lady, tell her i wish to pawn, something which i know to be worth over 1,300

i get 700 for it

at 936am

with cash in hand i call scott

i tell him i want an eight of heroin and 2 grits of either hard or clear, and some smoke

he tells me an eight of h is 250,

and i hope that this is his big play, because thats more than i want to pay

i know he needs money

and he turns me on to some really good heroin.

i loan him 50 bucks,

hes the dealer who would front me by the hundreds, i used to babysit his kids, i got him a gun and we robbed people together, so it was a good faith gesture, plus, i had cash to blow

as far as the hard or clear

i only know of one person who has it,

johnny

scotts brother

scott has a line on some hard

and johnny calls me and tells me that he has some good hard and to meet him at the gas station, i head to the gas station and scott is mad that i bailed on his line, i get it and he gets over it

he calls his brother

and tells him that hes snaking his junkies. taking money from him. they argue on the phone, they argue in the parking lot, johnny tells me not to call him again as he sells me 80 worth of crack.

i call him again

and he sells me pink crack he calls pink panther, it doesnt stay pink long and taste like licorice

he gives scott 10 for the lick,

he wanted 15

i tell scott i want to buy some smoke as well

120 worth, so we head to get it

after obtaining some more than decent smoke

from all the way across town i drop scott back off at his baby mamas house, smoking crack and shooting heroin every chance i could

132pm

i drop scott back off at his house and offer to smoke him out, but I only want to smoke a bowl

he declines saying he doesnt want to smoke crack

i guess hes scared the bowl will still have crack in it, understandable, it does

we take scotts baby mama and her two kids

(scotts kids)

to kroger to get groceries

we wait in the parking lot as scotts baby mama goes inside

scotts daughter is wimpering at me

and pointing at mcdonalds, she says she is hungry. i don’t know what to do i feel bad

scott rolls a blunt

i dont want to step out of line

and pay for food for this mans kid

his baby mama comes out with no groceries

something was wrong with her card we drive back to her house i offer scott money for groceries he tentatively declines, getting angry at his baby mama, hes starting to feel the xanax and blunt

eventually his baby mama gets her card figured out

she hands scott 80 and he says thanks

i had given him 130

at this point i knew he had cash so i suggest that he buy a gram a heroin to sell to me throughout the week, this would work well for me because he would loan me dope if i didnt have cash

he didnt buy heroin

he bought groceries, diapers, and toys for his kids

i go camping with my dad that weekend

where i manage to smoke all of the hard and shoot most of the dope i could have overdosed twice but i have no way to know, i use alone in my tent, i come to with a migraine, 11 hours had passed

i get back from the camping trip,

and have 200

so 120 ron and 80 hard

scotts brother is pissed he has to break a 100

i laugh

my habit is getting bad and really unsustainable

i need to quit

i really fucking need to quit

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
9 months agoReply
@felonious You rocked me to the core with that depiction. I have saved the lives of some addicts several times. Eventually the frequent flyers would come in dead. It is such a helpless feeling. You are robbed of all feeling for awhile. When you have become a life saver and healer as your life's destiny. I retired in 1996 but I still carry a lot of faces in my mind.

feloniousincrediblesubstantial.tumblr.com
9 months agoReply
@bernardtwindwil this is but a single afternoon leading into a weekend, a mere few days in a decade of drug usage, this was by all accounts a relatively routine experience, mundane even, nothing exciting and in that is what i find so fascinating, through my life i have become anesthetized to the gritty reality of my life, and even as i still have the scars to show, it feels as if i lost those years of my life. it will be a crazy time to see that all flash back before my eyes

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
9 months agoReply
That was one of the most raw and deeply intense passages I have ever read. I am familiar with the portrayal in this work. I used to work in a ghetto ER in LA. Some say rock bottom is where you die after having dug your own grave. This was an awesome piece. I am completely blown away by it. Great work!!!!!