Desmond the Social Engineer






Desmond the Social Engineer comedy stories
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dawnvalley
dawnvalley Amateur Storyteller
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
For today's daily prompt: cell-phone, meet Desmond, the AI that's installed on your phone who can socially engineered your life. But he's not really effective sometimes :D

Desmond the Social Engineer

by dawnvalley

People nowadays have been amazed by how artificial intelligence can help them for their daily life.

For example, Apple's Siri, Microsoft's Cortana, and Google's Assistant, and probably other types of AI assistants have been installed in your cell phones.

You want to call someone? Talk to one of them via cell phone. You want to wake up early? One of these bad boys will wake you up in the morning.

But there's one time that I really in a dire need of AI. An AI that can actually help me overcome the awkwardness, the anxiety, and the nerve when I run into the people out there.

An AI that can engineer my social life. So, meet Desmond, my imaginary AI assistant that will give me hints when I meet people and give me solutions about what to do. Here are the examples.

#1

*accidentally met my middle school friends in the hallway of a supermarket*

*accidentally met my middle school friends in the hallway of a supermarket* *want to say hi, but forgot his name*

*accidentally met my middle school friends in the hallway of a supermarket* *want to say hi, but forgot his name* *silently took a picture of him*

*accidentally met my middle school friends in the hallway of a supermarket* *want to say hi, but forgot his name* *silently took a picture of him* *chatting Desmond*

Desmond, can you recognize this man from the picture?

.

..

...

His name is Randy Winters.

Okay, thanks Desmond!

"Hey Val!", Randy greeted me once I walked in front of him on purpose. "Hey, Randy! What's up my boy!", mission succeed.

#2

*sits inside the subway*

*sits inside the subway* *the seats were packed*

*sits inside the subway* *the seats were packed* *putting my earphones while reading my book*

*sits inside the subway* *the seats were packed* *putting my earphones while reading my book* *sudden beep*

.

..

...

There's a pregnant lady nearby.

*sees her*

Oh yeah, what should I do? Should I give my seat to her?

.

..

...

Solution: yes, tell her that she can have your seat.

But I don't feel like talking right now.

.

..

...

Solution: touch your pockets, pretend that you have lost your wallet while standing up, go to another car of the subway, never look back.

Nice.

*do that immediately*

#3

*lunchtime, felt hungry*

*lunchtime, felt hungry* *chatting Desmond*

Desmond, find me a food nearby.

.

..

...

There are three: Dancing Caffeine, Perry's Pizzeria, and Dinah's Diner. These three are the most popular, most people go there during lunchtime.

Okay, then find me the less popular ones.

.

..

...

There are two options: The Blue Bagels and Sand Witch's Sandwiches.

Which one has less people in it?

.

..

...

Sand Witch's Sandwiches, only 2 people inside.

Thank you, Desmond

*walking towards Sand Witch's Sandwiches*

*walking towards Sand Witch's Sandwiches* *imagining myself having hot beverages while reading my novels in this cold winter*

*walking towards Sand Witch's Sandwiches* *imagining myself having hot beverages while reading my novels in this cold winter* *it's a food truck*

*walking towards Sand Witch's Sandwiches* *imagining myself having hot beverages while reading my novels in this cold winter* *it's a food truck* *with two chefs inside*

#4

Desmond, I'm gonna have a reunion with my old friends, Brie, Sarah, and Josh, give me the topics that I should have talked with them.

.

..

...

For Brie: Topics to talk about: Harry Potter movies, books by J.R.R Tolkien, her new apartment, her new job. Topics not to talk about: action movies, non-fiction books, her ex-boyfriend.

Okay, thank you, next?

.

..

...

For Sarah: Topics to talk about: yoga, french food, gym, salads, healthy lifestyle. Topics not to talk about: rock music, romance movies, her romance life, your obsession with eating fast and instant food.

Hey, I'm not obsessed with eating fast food, I'm just poor, next?

.

..

...

For Josh: Topics to talk about: basketball, athletic stuff, his new shoes, his new girlfriend. Topics not to talk about: baseball, losing the winter cup, sacrificing little animals to Pagan Gods.

What the hell, Desmond?

#5

*reading my books while lying on my bed*

*reading my books while lying on my bed* *Mom shouted from downstairs*

*reading my books while lying on my bed* *Mom shouted from downstairs* "Val, dinner's ready!"

Is it ready, Desmond?

.

..

...

Not yet, she just wants you to come down.

*continues reading my books*

#6

*me, Josh, and Sarah helping Brie moving to her new apartment.*

*me, Josh, and Sarah helping Brie moving to her new apartment.* *Brie prepares to lift the heavy box.*

*me, Josh, and Sarah helping Brie moving to her new apartment.* *Brie prepares to lift the heavy box.* *going to Brie to help her carry the box.*

*me, Josh, and Sarah helping Brie moving to her new apartment.* *Brie prepares to lift the heavy box.* *going to Brie to help her carry the box.* *sudden furious beeps from the cell phone.*

.

..

...

Do not help her.

Wait, why?

.

..

...

Just don't.

Seriously, why Desmond?

.

..

...

Let Josh do it.

Why? I am able to carry that heavy box.

.

..

...

Josh has a crush on Brie, let him help her.

Whoa! Whoa! Really? I don't know about that! Why didn't you tell me sooner, Desmond?

#7

*putting my text books on my locker.*

*putting my text books on my locker.* *my crush walks in the hallway*

*putting my text books on my locker.* *my crush walks in the hallway* *feeling nervous*

Desmond, my crush is nearby, what should I do?

.

..

...

I don't know.

What do you mean by you don't know?

.

..

...

I'm not able to.

What? I thought you're the only AI that can engineer the human's social life?

.

..

...

You're in love, Val, if it comes to love, I am not able to calculate or analyze the solution with my algorithms.

*dies*

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