"Nooo! Nooo! Noooooooo! Melissa has bloated up like a freakin' airship, she'll never fit into her outfits for the show!" shrieked top designer, Alphonse.
"What happened?" said Emilia Ash, head of top London model agency, Skinny Minnies.
"She had breakfast," said Alphonse. "On a catwalk day!" "Jeezus! What did the stupid cow eat?" "A beansprout."
"I've told the girls a thousand times, a glass of champagne with a cocaine chaser, absolutely no solids on catwalk day."
"Remember the good old days?" said Alphonse. "Kate, Helena, Naomi. Those girls were pros, they could live for a month on a fuckin' cornflake."