In The Hands of The Public
In The Hands of The Public comedy stories
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bluemistane
bluemistane Blue like the sea, and just as hopeless
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
What could go wrong when managing a PR disaster?

In The Hands of The Public

Derrick was in his office, sitting at his desk, looking through the text filled reports that he had to study.

He had to know the statistics of current products to do his job, and that study takes time, even if it did make his co-workers somewhat judgmental for not putting anything out recently.

But it was his first full PR job, you can’t go through life and not get burnt by demise a few times. He knew he would make it.

The door got kicked in by his company president, “Derrick, we have a problem.”

Derrick was surprised, he has only been on the job for a bit over a week and he is already hitting this conversation?

“What’s up Mark?” He said getting up from his chair.

“Look at this,” he said handing him a tablet.

Derrick looked through the opened article about the companies recent product:

“The recent sales of the ‘Gel Pen Holder’ have been with criticism from the BuyStuffOnline.com website...

“...complained that it melted on their desk and could’t be cleaned off...

“...some claimed it didn’t even work and would just launch their pens off their desk, one such costumer stated that the envelope opener they put on it jumped off and stabbed their foot costing...

“... parts being stuck in the gel...”

“... left stains that lasted for days on their hands...”

Derrick was overwhelmed. He threw his hands out from exasperation, “This is nuts! The sales were great, it was a great product as it went on sale! This is just mad propaganda...”

Derrick stopped talking as the tablet hit the floor after he forgot to hold on to it out of his frustration.

Mark gave him a death stare as he picked it up, “Come on man, thats my tablet.” He looked it it for a second, “well, its fine but be more careful.”

Derrick did some nodding, staring at the ground and thinking about his idiocy. “Anyway, I just think this is stupid,” he said brushing his hair.

Before he could go back to his papers mark pointed out, “wait, you didn’t even read the end.

And I quote ‘this product has received the most backlash I have ever seen and if you want to have some fun seeing some failure, read the reviews on the site.

It will sure cheer you up, I’m sure no one can get a worse response to a product. Quite the ego boost.’

“You better get this under control Derrick. The boss is not happy and he may...”

The intercom went off with an annoying screech before “Derrick” was shouted out like it was an execution, “I need you to do something, come to my office.”

Mark had already left after pointing at the intercom speaker, and Derrick was coming up with something to say about this other than excuses,

his thoughts got interrupted by the intercom again.

“And come right now! I don’t need you sitting at your desk.”

Derrick put his papers in order before goin up the elevator to the office, if he is going to get yelled at he might as well make something nice.

As he came in the saw the boss talking with a woman. She was younger, with a ponytail and freckles. It must be a new secretary, he thought.

The boss, turning his chair toward him, pointed out he woman “Ah, Derrick, this is Rachel, she wants an interview on one of our products.”

Derrick was stopped in his tracks.

His eyes widened and he tried to say something that would give him less of a chance of being fired but just looked like a kid being stopped by a teacher doing something stupid.

The boss continued in his governing tone of voice, “she will just take a few minutes of your time, they have already set up in the lobby anyway.”

Derrick was having trouble generating sentences, “B-but, I wasn’t even notified. I am not prepared for such.”

“Nonsense!” Derrick was nearly jumped because the suddenness of that statement from his boss, “you told me yourself, Derrick, that you will be ready for whatever comes, no?

Just do this petty interview!”

The journalist grabbed his arm and before he knew it he was sitting on a couch with a camera up his face.

Rachel’s smile was wide and obnoxious, to was hard to pay attention to the questions without thinking about how many layers of lipstick she had.

“So how do you feel about the failure of your product?” Was what went through Derricks ears.

“Well, I feel like these people are crazy, honestly.” Just as he finished the sentence he noticed multiple mistakes. “Wait, the product isn’t failed...”

Derrick wasn’t able to continue as the the journalist fired off another question.

“Are you saying that people are crazy just because they think your product is bad?”

“No, no, no, thats not what I said. There are clear instructions on the product which explains all the cautions that, if there were taken, would have prevented all the issues.”

“So, are you saying your costumers are too illiterate for your product?”

Derrick’s face froze, his eyebrows high and his jaw dropped. He nearly choked on his tongue before he said, “What!?”

He could not believe the words that the woman in front of him repeated. Before he could say, “of course not!” a bottle made made contact with back of his head.

Behind him, in the main lobby, there was a clique of women standing staring at him. One of the women woman yelled, ‘it’s companies like yours that cheat people out of their hard earned money!”

The woman kept yelling at him but he was not paying attention as he stood up and yelled, “you are crazy, woman! Who the hell throws bottles at others!?”

Derrick regretted his outburst as he saw the woman that yelled charge at him with the others following her.

Before he knew it he was tacked like like a quarterback who wasn’t paying attention. He was on the marble floor being assaulted by multiple women acting like maniacs.

During the commotion the journalist and her cameraman calmly packed up all their equipment and left.

The next day the headline read: “Arrogant Company Manager Destroyed After Calling His Female Costumers Illiterate and Crazy.”

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