Cautious nihilism at 3am when I can really think clearly.

I need to not care. Really deeply to the point that I start to notice the things that are quite worth caring about.

My grandfather died the other day. I cried quite a bit. I think that was the right kind of crying, because he was rather interesting to talk to.

But then I also got rather upset at work this morning. It was a job I could care less about, but I was practically seething nonetheless.

I think maybe I should come out. Not as gay or anything, just something radical that would make certain righteous people look at me and say that I'm really out of line. (Personal note: maybe I should come out as gay)

I think I'd love it if someone were to yell at me and say I'm improper, and for me to yell back "and so what about it," and for me to go right on my merry way about it.

Oh, and I'd feel very happy too.

Maybe I'll write a book?