What did I ever do to deserve this life? It's not that anything tragic or devastating has ever happened to me. My life just seems so dull and pointless.
I grew up watching all of the other kids around me lead their normal, exciting lives.
Throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, and even college I was always deprived of a normal life.
I never had any friends, never got good grades, my parents never cared nearly enough about me, and most importantly, I never fell in love.
I've read books about love, seen movies about love, even heard about love in the news. It seems so glamorous for others. But, for me, it seems like it's just so impossible.
Well I guess it's off to work with me. I set the diary down, put on some sweats, grabbed a chewy bar, and headed to the place I hate most -- Bobby's Bakery.
You would think that selling pastries all day would be at least decent.
The sugar-coated smells that wandered everywhere in the room, the glass cases that displayed all of the delicious pastries, all the cute little kids running in to buy there special treats.
All of these things would normally please a person. But work still stinks. The problem is Bobby -- the bakery owner. This guy really needs to take a reality check.
I came here to bake; not to make him coffee, walk his dog, take out the trash, or toast his bagel.
It was no surprise today, when I immediately heard, "Anna! The garbage man is coming today! Get Busy!" I grabbed the disgusting pile of filth, and walked it to the front door.
Now, nobody would have ever thought that the most magical moment of my life would happen over a garbage bag, but it did. BAM! The door swings and slaps me right in the face.
I didn't black out or anything, but I think I momentarily left the Earth when I saw his face. I'd seen many faces quite similar to his, but this particular face had something special about it.
It was no different than fifty percent of American boys' faces; brown hair and brown eyes. And yet, the smile and the eyes were so glitteringly gorgeous that I thought I just might pass out.
"Oh my gosh! Excuse me! I'm so sorry. Let me help you up," he frantically exclaimed as he got me back on my feet. "Are you ok?"
"Yah, yah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. It was my fault anyway," I stuttered I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
"You sure? Because I can get you some ice or-"
"No thanks. I'm really, really okay."
"Again I'm so sorry--"
"Sorry Anna. Oh, and I'm Lucas."
"It's nice to meet you Lucas. And, thanks for helping me up."
"No problem," he shrugged.
There was an awkward silence that seemed like it was long enough for someone to fly to the moon and back. He just stood there, motionless. It was as if he was waiting for me to say something.
"So did you want to buy something?" I tried to restart the conversation.
"Oh yeah! I heard the pastries here are out of this world!"
"You heard right. They're fantastic!" I started babbling on about all the things that we offered here at the bakery. From danishes, to donuts, I said it all.
I guess I was very convincing because he bought one of everything. I don't know how I suddenly got all of that confidence to talk to someone like him.
"Hey this may be really sudden," he started, "but do you maybe want to go see a movie with me this Friday?"
"Yes! I mean, that sounds like fun!" I replied.
And that's how it all began.
I'm sorry I haven't written in weeks! I've just been so busy with Lucas. I think for the first time ever, things are starting to work totally in my favor.
And, on top of that, I am absolutely, positively, in love. It's weird, but, I'm happy to wake up every morning knowing that it is a brand new day.
I'm excited when I walk down the street and hear the birds chirping. And, I'm ecstatic whenever I see Lucas's face. Anyway, tonight, he and I are going to a Halloween party at this bar downtown.
I'm so excited! I can't wait to tell you all about it!
I'll try to write again soon!
P.S. Yes, it is as glamorous as it seems.
As I walked to work I thought about what tonight had in store for me. In thirteen hours, I would be with the one person in my life that has actually made a real effort to make sure I'm happy.
I feel almost like royalty when I'm around him.
Everything in my love life, and my regular life, was taking a turn for the better. Everything was going perfectly!
When I went to work, I was somehow able to take on Bobby's orders with confidence and contentment.
Even though the dirty jobs were not exactly what I wanted to be doing, I did them with a smile on my face.
Later on, when it was finally eight-thirty, I went down to the hottest bar in town, "Miss Fortunes." As soon as I walked in, I caught a glimpse of Lucas's charming smile and handsome eyes.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey! I missed you what's up?" I replied.
"Not much. I'm excited for tonight. C'mon, let's go!"
The night went on like this. He and I danced together, laughed together, and had a few drinks together. Or at least, I thought it was just a few drinks.
I guess I got a little overwhelmed from my first real party. And, I guess I had quite a few drinks, because by the end of the night, I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
Barely conscious, I tried my best to maneuver my little car through the streets of Chicago. I don't really know what exactly happened in that instant.
But, I do remember bright lights flashing, car horns sounding off, and brakes screeching. My foolishness at the bar that night led to the car crash that would change my world eternally.
And, I never would have believed who was on the receiving end of it.
The pain hit me hard and swept over me like a wave of depression crashing down.
I had killed Lucas.
My throat burned and my eyes welled with tears.
It couldn't have been true that I was responsible for the death of the most important person in my whole life! But, I was, and nothing could ever alter that.
Days went by that were devoted to depression and woe. My nightmares revolved around murder and killing. My heart sank lower and lower each day.
Just when I thought things would never get better and I had absolutely no more purpose in this world, I had a dream that wasn't about homicides or blood. It was about Lucas.
He'd come to tell me how much he loved me. I told him, "I love you too, more than anything. I am extremely sorry."
He said he forgave me.
"I miss you so much, all I want to do is be with you," I pleaded.
"I want to be with you too. And, I will find some way, somehow for us to never, ever be apart again. I promise."
After that night, I never woke up again in that little Chicago apartment.
Lucas had killed me. He had wanted me to always and forever be with him. That's why he chose to murder me and allow me to join him in death.
And now, here in the afterlife, I can finally have the happy, love-filled life I have always dreamed of. And, it's all thanks to Lucas.