I'm coming up to the end of university and I am not proud.
I've overcome so much in my past.
I wasn't even supposed to talk!
And yet I am not proud.
For too long numbers have dominated my whole life.
When I was younger, I needed to get the right marks.
To get the right grades.
To get the right university.
To get the right degree.
To get the right job.
To get the right pay.
To get the right retirement.
To get the right death.
And in order for that I have to count my time.
Do I have time to socialise with my friends?
To kiss my crush?
To fall in love?
To be with my family?
To have hobbies?
And in order to have that time in my life, I need to be the right weight.
Which means eating the right amount of calories.
The right ratio of food.
The right amount of water.
The right amount of pills.
And yet I'll look back on my life knowing that I will still not be proud. Even after all of that counting.
Because every act of counting is a form of competition against the rest of the world.
And I'll never be good enough.
So is it even worth it?