If I had one thing to take the grave it would be this. So don't take it for granted and don't try to dismiss.
I used to feel sorry for those that couldn't have a baby. I used to feel sad and think "thank God that's not me".
But I never knew how easy it would be. To take for granted what was not meant for me.
Any type of hope and longing for a family. Has now vanished, along with my sense of sanity.
When I was told that I had inherited a condition. That would inhibit the process of my reproduction.
I was numb, I was blue. I had given up on eating for two.
I did my research and medically there is still a way. However I would have to pay.
With my wallet, with my life. With the prospect of being a wife.
And yet I'm at the age where I'm still very young. But if I see a baby, my heart becomes stung.
You don't know how much you want to be a mother. Until you see the same fate go to another.
And there is no question of trying to conceive. When I can barely believe.
All my life I've hated being out of control. And this confession is baring my soul.
This is the secret that I have to bear. This is what keeps me up at night and leaves me scared.
But I don't need your pity, I don't need your sympathy. Just read my whole story and take what I say seriously.
I have not changed and I am not damaged goods. So don't try to run away or become misunderstood.
The only thing that you need to know. Is that sometimes I might feel low.
This is because being a mother may not be a possibility.
My secret is that my Infertility scares the shit out of me.