Nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever please do not take offense to this story it is not directed at the reader stories
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wakandan
wakandan 18 / just a hobby
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
Every win means the world to you, but once you lose, you realize that nothing lasts forever.

Nothing lasts forever

You have this feeling

this aching sensation filling your stomach like a spinning tornado,

a vortex that makes you swallow yourself up inside of your own despair

It hits you so fast and so hard

And you just say to yourself, "I don't want to live."

It doesn't need to happen right after a sad moment.

You could be smiling and laughing, and then once you're alone,

you might say out loud, "Huh. I don't want to have to do any of this."

And you want to end it, but you don't want to by yourself

You wish that there was something to fix it,

but you know there isn't,

so you just sit there, and you cry and cry

and think.

Everything that you hate

Everyone that you love

You feel like they won't last forever

But the things you start notice that last forever, longer, are the things that you hate

because from the moment you were nothing but a child,

a kin, a beautiful specter of youth,

someone has always left

someone has always betrayed you

someone has always made you feel bad for being you

someone has always misjudged you

someone has always made fun of you

someone has always lied to you

someone has always torn your life apart in many more ways than one

and you just,

you don't want to have to go more and more years thinking

that the world is your enemy

and that anything ranging from a little ant on the soil of your yard

to looking in the windows of the soul of another

is your worst nightmare

you want to hide away for a while

forever

but that just doesn't work

because you have things that you have to do

that you don't want to do

and you're just losing time loathing and hating yourself

fearing yourself,

fearing progress, fearing failure, fearing change

and you just waste more and more time

and time doesn't stop for you so easily

and you want it to

but it

won't

fear

fear of losing

fear of dying

fear of hurting

fear of associating

fear of wanting

fear of asking

fear of being

you and yourself

and your head is just spinning

and your world is staying still,

but you feel like the world is the one spinning, and you think its normal

because yours is at a stand-still...

wasting time...

you're the one who's spinning

you're spinning in that vortex

you're not just spinning—you're drowning

you're not just scared of being alone—you are alone

you're not just alone with yourself—you're losing yourself

everything that you have had in the past

your memories

your happiness

you can't remember

you can't visualize or picture the vivid thoughts in your mind that circulated that small gene of joy

you can't think straight without letting those negative scenarios overpower your thoughts at night

you can't live knowing that not everything is perfect, and you are disappointed in yourself because you're more than just imperfect

you're human

and you don't want to be

you hate people

you hate yourself

you hate nature

human nature

you hate it all

and you don't want anymore of it

you try to fight

it doesn't work

you wanna win

but you're always losing

every good

every positive

every win

means the world to you

but once you lose

you realize

that none of that good is worth it or lasts forever.

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