how to disappear and never be found
how to disappear and never be found isolation stories
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wakandan
wakandan 18 / just a hobby
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
you don't want to be found.

how to disappear and never be found

how do you casually disappear where you can never be found?

do you ignore their messages?

do you leave them on read when they say something randomly self-depreciating instead of giving them some kind and uplifting words?

do you tell them that you will participate in this activity like decorating, makeup, etc. and then end up never doing it?

do you take a break, delete your apps, and disassociate for a while?

do you say what's really on your mind?

do you stop those good morning greetings and plastic grins?

how do you say that you're tired and don't want to be around anymore?

how do you say that you can't talk because you don't want to be their vent for the day?

do you finally tell them that you're exhausted and the reason might be them?

do you finally speak the truth, no exclamation points, smiley emojis, or loving words?

do you finally give up and tell them that you haven't been doing anything with your life?

how do you get up and appreciate life?

how do you avoid procrastination, depression, sadness, loneliness

how do you disappear?

how do you make it so that you can never be found?

how do you make so you can be forgotten?

how do you make it so that you can disappear and never be found, but have the opportunity to return to everything

when everything gets fine in your perpetual circle of quiet

you finally go back out and face that world of questions

world of lies

world of plastic smiles

world of stiff comments and remarks

world of sad happiness, literally smiling through the pain

world of lost opportunities

world of bitterness

world of waste

world of cold

world of evil

world of nothing

how do you get back to that after you've proven to yourself that you're fine again?

how do you just think you're okay and go back not knowing that it was the one place that sent you here again?

the place that broke you

how do you do it?

why?

why did you do it?

why did you go back?

why did you face that world you hate with a passion?

you come home and you scream at the screen, but you're sending the sweetest words that one can assume would come from a kind and gentle soul.

how do you do it?

you go to sleep a simple hour later than your usual time, and you can barely open your eyes in the morning, but you still get up and go.

how do you do it?

you fight with yourself everyday, sometimes trying to force the tears that you've cried all last year out

but they won't come anymore

you've cried so much you've run out of tears

they say tears are the one thing that make that stress

that toxic liquid go away

to make you feel better again

but the tears won't come

the tears won't come

you try to force them out, but damn its even harder than you would have ever imagined it to be?

how the hell do you get the tears to come?

you are writing, and when you pour those words onto the screen

you start crying, the tears are there

finally, how did you get those tears to come?

did the words you type yourself make them?

did you do it because you can read your feelings and express them so well to yourself, but you can't to others?

instead, you lie to others?

you tell them you're fine

you add an expression of humor after each and every one of your depressing statements

you tell them you love them, but you barely know what love is

you tell them, "oh today I was so happy" and they quirk a brow but never question

do they know?

do they know how big that is for you?

do you care to tell them?

do you want to tell them?

because it's such an accomplishment for you

to finally feel mentally okay?

to feel those emotions, that urge to smile

that urge to say those beautiful things to them

to make them happy

to make them believe you yourself are happy

only to moments later crash

crash and isolate again

and they don't understand

whats so wrong with you

why do you get soooo happy,

so bubbly, so full of energy

boundless amounts of love and kisses and hugs and smiles and everything

but you go back and you just

you crash.

you disappear.

and they can't find you

and you don't want to be found

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