Sometimes I hear your laugh in the whisper of the wind.
Sometimes I feel your hand on my shoulder,
And I desperately whip around
Hoping against all odds that it’s real.
Sometimes I catch a whiff of that distinct scent you had
That amalgam of sandalwood and coffee.
But they’re all fake
Just my senses taunting me
Betraying me with your absence.
And I know you’re not coming back,
I know this,
But how can I accept that?
Tell me, how the hell can you expect me
To just accept that you’re gone?
Say something, answer me.
Yet every time my phone rings
Every time I hear the ping of a new message
My heart races
My pulse quickens
And I pray that it’s you.
That somehow, it was just another prank,
A long con that we’d all laugh at
Years from now.
That one day
I’m going to run into you on the street
And with that crooked smile of yours,
Those sparkling blue eyes,
That hair that would never lay flat,
Those damn dimples I can never stay mad at,
You’ll say “Surprise!”
And everything will be okay again.
Because everything’s not okay right now,
It’s been so long but everything is not okay,
And everything will never be okay until you come back to me.
So come back to me, why aren’t you here yet?
You can stop now, you win, it was a good prank
But we need you back now, I need you back.
I need you back.
I wonder what you’re thinking about up there.
If you’re bitter about it,
Iif you can see how little you deserved your end,
If you are angry about it.
I don’t think you are.
You were never angry, never bitter.
You always had a smile on your face,
Always saw the glass half-full,
Always saw the silver lining on every damn cloud that rained on the sunny celebration your life should have been.
I just hope with all of my heart
That heaven is real,
That you are happy.
That you leaving us was because
God wanted His most precious angel back up there
Because you deserved so much better
Than the crap this Earth threw at you.
I hope you’re in a place with sunshine
And cotton candy,
A place where you can look down
And see how much we care about you.
You deserve that.
You deserve happiness.
But if that’s not what’s up there,
If you’re nowhere right now,
If you’re in a state of nothingness or something even worse,
Then I question the force that put you there.
I question the world,
The way life and death works,
I question it.
Say something, world,
Why isn’t he here?
Why did you take him away from me?