when i was 7, i looked forward to the future.
the unknown excited me, it brightened my coffee brown eyes.
but as the years went by,
i realized the future was not a bright light shining in the distance, it was an alarm, begging me to run the other way.
and i couldn't.
i kept getting pushed forward, no way to turn around.
and then i was here, in the future of my past,
struggling to catch my breath in the stress of being alive.
to be alive is complicated.
there are points of happiness, of course,
but it is hard to always feel happy in the surge of life.
everything just continues, never stopping for breath.
life leaves me panting on the sidelines,
it leaves me wishing i was asleep.
sometimes, i pray i don't wake up,
and sometimes, i think i might mean it.