"Where are we going? He asked. Where haven't you been? she answered back . Antartica or Amazonian forest. Ok south America then, she said. Better a warm place after this cold winter. Agreed.
Shall we talk about it on Saturday over drinks?
Yesss! She genuinely responded."
The whole internet dating scene wasn't something she had yet learned to digest. And while she did meet a couple of kind men on it, the principle of it was something she was very much against.
Is killing the romance , she firmly thought.
Back home and back in the days it was all in the eyes. That guy standing on the other side of the bar that looked so handsome smiled at her. So she looked at him .
And kept looking for what felt like hours. Till he came to her , and they talked.
Simple, unoriginal and beautiful.
That was the way she had fallen in love.She was 17 and he was very tall. It eventually ended , as all first loves do. But that was the way she believed love would be always be born .
The same and only way she would still believe in now.
Just a boy and a girl meeting by fate, looking at each other eyes and losing themselves one in another. Naive? Maybe. But for some, still the only real way.
So when this handsome stranger started talking to her online, she almost couldnt be bothered to answer.
But his captivating intro worked well as it was referring to her profile description, where she talked about journeys and travels.
So it really looked like he had been reading..
They dove straight into a nice flowing conversation , so easy as if they would have known each-other for a long time, and when he asked her out she was genuinely happy to meet him,
as she thought he sounded like a very interesting person.
And even more after seeing some of what she thought were some professional photos taken by him in his travels . She had been mesmerised by the beauty that his eye could capture.
Then, by the few words they exchanged in the following days , she thought she had captured in his soul a mixture of depth , childish tenderness and romantic sexual darkness .
The kind of combination that would drive most women crazy.
He sat down for a moment on the arm of the couch. He was tired he said.She looked at him and said: oh ..you have very beautiful hands ...
With the sexiest smile in in eyes he replied . You know what they said about big hands, right? ... and he stood up....
She tried to argue that she said beautiful, not big.. but that was too late , he was already leaning towards her and before she could say anything more, he kissed her.
She felt the roughness of his beard on her face , his lips pressing against her and his tongue slowly but aggressively opening her mouth and searching for hers.
At first she didn't really like that kiss as she felt it was too fast with not enough built up . Also she was a bit scared of him.
Very attracted to this tall, arrogant , self-centred , highly intelligent and sexy man. But excitingly scared. She was knowingly entering a dangerous zone.
Immediately she thought fuck, I should have waited outside when he said he would go upstairs to grab the keys. But she didn't .
He didn't ask her to follow him and she could have easily waited in the street for him to come back and then go for that scooter ride they never took.
But as he left the door open behind him she followed him inside.
You walk ahead he said, pointing at the stairs NO! she said, you go ahead. He subtly smiled and start walking up.
She knew something would have happened, because when walking through a dead end street lined with beautiful houses earlier on, he gently grabbed her waist.
There is no no escape now , this road has no exit, he said. She pretended she didn't notice his hand and kept talking , making a joke though :ohh there is no way out ..I'm fucked now....
Then he caressed the back of her head, in a slightly sexy slightly sweet way. But they just kept walking.
So few minutes later, back in his apartment after they first kissed , she suggested to still grab the scooter and go. But he said he was tired and he felt like sleeping.
Ok then why not doze off on the sofa while I keep you company? Nah, he said, I can't sleep with you here. But then he lied down on the couch and told her to lay next to him . So she did.
He did fall asleep for a couple of minutes while she was lying next to him .It was probably because of that quiet moment of closeness that her oxytocin levels increased. Bloody oxytocin.
Fucking stupid thing.
Oh and she so liked his smell....
So when he woke up this time she answered to his kiss with a much more passionate drive.
He would bite her lips, she would bite his lips back, he would eat her neck and shoulder while she would angrily bite his fingers that he had put in her mouth.
He would push her off the couch and then slide down with his fit long body against hers , while she was lying on the hard floor.
But what was turning her on even more was whatever he would be hiding in his mind. She was challenged by his brain.
Because this handsome man with the most beautiful hands didn't deserve any of the attentions or the interest she had towards him. Absolutely none.
He had been 15 minutes late when a couple of hours earlier they met for brunch .
He didn't even bother to apologize and he had being sarcastic and a teaser for the whole duration of that short lunch and the quick walk they had through Fulham right after.
He didn't ask almost anything about her, like if he really couldn't care less.
And that , even without mentioning how the week before he bailed on the first date they were supposed to have.
But she was drawn to him.
Red flags were falling from everywhere, like water in a tropical rainfall.
He was a self-centred player that knew the effect he had on women and he was used to play with that power he got over them.
It was clear It was all a big game for him.
But still.. there was something about him that felt like fairytales , a corner of his soul that was holding such a secret depth .. something she couldn't define but she could feel.
And on the other hand she had a wild, instinctive, sort of masculine desire for thrill inside . And so, when she followed him into the house , it was because deep down , she simply wanted to.
His hands were blocking her wrists while he pushed her on the bed. He opened her shirt and started biting her nipples till the point she had to tell him stop it! You are hurting me!...
and so he'd stop. and smile... to then do it again.
Her head was starting to spin, everything was wrong, she was the easy victim of this hunter that would have discarded his catch at any moment that would have suit him.
Only caring having her at his feet, losing control under his control, for then dismiss her like a useless trophy.
She could feel how being owned by this man would have been amazing. She would have let him do anything to her .
Yes she would have fought against his strength but just for then submit to his anger, to his selfishness, to his desire of control and power.
She would have loved for him to dominate her body, challenging her brain.
But when she said , smiling, "no no it is all wrong it is all wrong !" he stood up and said: ok then is better if you go then, so I can sleep before packing for my flight tonight.
And left her sitting on the bed with her shirt open.
At there it was. At that moment she felt discarded. He saw he could have her so she was worth nothing more. Not even opening the door for her to leave.
Are you at least opening the door for me ?she asked him..
Yes of course, he said with a smiling voice . "But I didnt want to go" she said looking at him ( with probably something like puppy eyes by that stage)
"But you asked me to open the door for you" he sarcastically replied....
He gave her his chick for her to kiss. She said no !! you kiss me if you want. So he kissed her on the cheek.
Screw that she thought and she went for his lips . But he moved and still sarcastically said : hey lets not exaggerate now..
Fuck off ! she said I didn't want a boyfriend's goodbye kiss just something more passionate that a kiss on the cheek.
So he opened the door behind her and pushed her out.
And then yes , he kissed her.
It was a strong kiss. She was so mad at at him she would bite him.
You are being so aggressive he said , smiling again. Fuck you she said, but also smiling. Then he closed the door.
Amused and hurt she felt she probably would have not see him ever again.
And so he disappeared .
Behind the vanity of the curtains of that big theatre that London was.
She couldn't do anything but let him go. And try of let go of the memory of his bites on her skin, on her mind.
Because even if she grasped some leftover of his beautiful soul somewhere in those very short moments, he did not.
He did not see, because he didn't want , or simply didn't catch , all that was yet to be discovered about her.
So she decided to get her own closure, but wanted to picture him going away in her own way . Sailing at sunset on his boat, arriving into some far away port.
"I'm a sailor" , was one of the thing he told her that first time they spoke. And she would have loved very much to meet that sailor's soul.
But maybe that was just an illusion of her own mind, maybe there were no love for sunsets, nature, and the profound desire for the real essence of things , inside him.
Maybe she had it all wrong and it was indeed just the outcome of her own immagination. Or maybe she forgot it couldn't be real. Because it was too much.
Because real would have been simple, unoriginal, and beautiful. Like love at 17.
Maybe. Or maybe not.