I don’t know if we were ever meant to meet. I used to think that our paths just crossed at the wrong time and the future would be better... I used to think that life just miscalculated... I now feel I am wrong and will be forever.
We ruined each other by simply trying to love one another. I do what I feel is best and you try to cope with what you think is best. We both end up a mess.
I am kept awake at night at the thought of you. I worry for your safety and I worry for your life. I close my eyes and all I see is the blood you make yourself shed and i feel like it’s me.
It keeps me up. I have nightmares about how you are feeling... how I’ve made you feel... how bad it has gotten...
But all you do is think that I hate you. I can’t tell you because I can’t give you that support anymore. I’m not the person to help you. Although I wish I were.
You came into my life at a point where I was struggling and made it immeasurably better. You were kind. You were thoughtful. You loved me... That will never be forgotten.
I don’t know what happened? I don’t know where it all changed? But I know it was me. To begin with at least.
Every day I feel the guilt of the things that I say when I’m angry. When I’m stressed. When I’m sad and when I miss our friendship. For that was the best bit.
All I ever want is for us to be friends to hang out and to talk. I now feel like this is an impossible task that will forever be a thought.
All I wish for in life is for you to be okay. For you to stop suffering... and for you to have better days.