I took a while to get where I was going, always. Never on time for anything. But then, anything never cared if I showed up. We weren't the greatest of friends.
This day I was running late for the job that I hoped to be fired from, if they cared to. There weren't many who would sign up to work 12 hour shifts in a bread factory.
Mostly immigrants who had been tricked into thinking they had a better life or the outkasts, like I. My car started to make a terrible knocking sound.
I thought that I was imagining it to be worse than it was, and then something happened. It got nastier and my foot unconsciously hit the break.
I ground to halt at the side of the road with a good rough noise as a wheel flew off the car. Imagining the other cars would stop immediately at a terrifying sight, but they didn't.
Maybe they didn't even notice. It was peaceful anyways. Finally alone with no one to bother me.
I sat and thought for a while. I recalled seeing a family stuck on the side of the road two days before. They looked sad and afraid. Holding a child. I didn't pull over.
My heart ached as I drove past, indecisive. Now that was me. And it felt fair.
Usually your thoughts are supposed to race in these situations. They say your adrenaline rushes and there is something that rhymes that has to do with survival. It never came.
Thinking what should be done next. Hmm. If a cop pulls over he would find me without glasses, that wouldn't be good. I searched and didn't find a thing. They were at home.
The cop never came knocking anyways. In fact, no one came or stopped. I sat for a while longer.
It felt like I was in heaven. There was no pain, no problems. I could walk away and do anything. I looked at my backpack and identification. If they were left in the car, I'd be dead.
I could walk right into the world. Maybe I would hitchhike around. After asking all of the insects for answers, I finally stepped out and climbed over a rock wall.
There was a black road on other side. I started to walk up it hopelessly to the nearest town. There was a sign that said 7 miles to something. I thought that would only take me an hour.
Walking up the road, a blackbird harrassed me. I wasn't thinking clear. I thought it was talking to me. My thoughts moved with it. It repeated the same thing over and over.
It flew low to the ground and honked. Then it flew high above me just following. I wondered if anyone on the interstate would see me walking with this bird hovering over me and think it was odd.
Probably not. I thought then that it was telling me something. I looked over and saw the blackbird family in a tree. There was a farmers house in the distance. They all honked in agreement.
I thought about walking over to the house to get help, and kept walking instead. The birds left me alone.
I walked and walked. There was a porta potty and I stopped to take a break. I kept walking up until the sun went down. Then there was nothing.
Realizing I wan't going to hitchhike at night without terrifying someone, I walked back toward the car. Sitting in the car as semi upon semi passed, shaking the car.
I didn't care, knowing they would never hit me and kill me. That would be too easy I thought.
In the morning I started to try and fix the car. I found a lug nut behind where a tire used to be under the car. Something inspired me to take a nut from each wheel.
I didn't do it until a state trooper showed up next to me. Then I was scared I might get a ticket. But he was equally scared.
Maybe it was how close we were to the road and all of the semis flying passed. He asked for my ID and gave it back. I popped the wheel on and took off.
Driving toward the next town thinking there was something good to find. Maybe a store with food, nope. I drove around toward the hills looking for something else.
There was an orchard and a fruit store. Maybe I could stop here and make a new life for myself as a fruit farmer. I kept driving. There was a small town covered in fog. The town was dead.
Again I kept going on toward home. My parents were slightly suprised that I spent the night on the interstate.
Another day left me with nothing but my dim abillity to grasp at what happiness I could get out of the day.
In a world where the armies were filled with soon to be homeless men: left with nothing but the inability to think, there wasn't much to do.
It all stops once you are unable to look at the clouds and see interesting things. If you can't do that, you've nothing. My mind swirls today.
I often wish that I could escape somwhere to offer some freedom. Hitchiking to heaven would be so sweet. A free ride all the way to the top.
Could you imagine? Where could we go if we weren't afraid of losing the meager food and broken down apartments. Tyrants crushing us for every ounce of power while you are lied to on all sides.
Everyone is running around searching for nothing. Brains running on rice-gas searching for a pump in a desert. Digging for a dollar in a broken heart. Finding nothing.
Always finding nothing but a wasted day. And another after that.
I walk out of my apartment and find a red beam shoot across my sight. Over the top of the hill there are stars and I hear a hollering in the distance. A world without laws was coming soon.
How sweet would the confirmation of the end ring in the ears of every watcher. The sky glowed in the night sky with an orange hue. I walked up the hill to see what had changed.
The city glowed the same, the lights rotating and flashing. The same odors rushed up my face from the mush below like rotten trash. Gunshots and sirens. Engines speeding.
Farmers lived near cities and the animals were sickly. Backyards growing whatever feigned food they could spare. The land was soiled and sour.
There were outposts forming across the nation with people gathering to produce their own communities. The rush for power of the only good food left, clean animals.
The Stiffs had an unlikely amount of power. They fell into it by avoiding society as a whole. Sticking to what was useful in a time of waste.
It would be tried to seize from them the ability to share the food. The Controllers didn't like the possibility of a clear mind in the world. The clear mind was all that was left to gain.
To be able to navigate the living hell that we were scrambling in. That's where the devils lived. If they weren't just with you, you could place them on someone else.
But it always started in the mind.
I gathered my thoughts and put them back where they belonged to roast slowly over my heart. Walking slow into the distance looking for the only light that is. Whatever true thing left.
Born to create in a world that was tearing apart. And the worst pain was my treasure. Something to keep going for. I left my things behind me and went unhinged. Nothing to stay for.
Emptiness the pleasure. The trees were tall and pale looking. They surrounded me and I struggled to breath. Still I climbed slow. Swimming the brush and needles.
I reached the top of a hill and found only more in the distance. A little higher, but no clear way to follow. Bouncing from one to the other, I searched for peace.
The last one I reached I slept on. Crashing to the ground without a choice. My dreams struck me like a hammer.
I found peace there. The demons left me alone. I could walk without hunger and endless thoughts. Trees had leaves and the clouds were purple, red-blue, green-orange mixtures.
Beautiful explosions of color where there were none in left in the Normal. The grey wastes could wait to haunt again, but for now - I breathe. The grass was soft that I slept on.
I woke up and went to meet my Father. He was waiting for me in the usual spot. I looked for the stones as I walked. Each was left next to a tree or a bush. They pointed to the next.
Slowly coming upon the Great Tree, a massive sight. The treee struck into the heavens. Vines climbed and laced the branches. Animals surrounded the trunk and ate of the fruit.
There was plenty here. A crystal pond with a purple hue. Drinking from it rid of any pain. Fond memories swallowed me.
I walked to the trunk and climbed inside the hollowed base. I curled up in a ball and waited for something to happen. I went back out and the animals were all gone. Something was off.
I didn't wait for another minute. Taking off in a full sprint for the trees, coming back to the woods was the best decision I could have made. Acting as if I was lost was gone on me.
There had been enough wasted days and lies - mostly of the half-truth variety - and now we would really be living. Swinging from the vines like tar-zan, living amongst the bugs and the beasts.
It was a life.
I was slapped back into reality by the cold wind and the sound of animals howling in the distance. I was hungry, and my stomach ached. I limped around looking for something to eat.
Finding some familiar mushrooms on the ground, I snatched them up quickly. I didn't have much time to waste. I had to get where I was going before starving completely. Places to be.
Places to go. Most of these places grey and lifeless: abandoned towns. People fled gathering places when they all feared the worst. Towns were no longer safe.
The danger not in themselves, but everyone else. Imagining an enemy that never exhisted. They were mad. The poison got in from any angle that it could: air, water, food. Mostly food.
Everyone ate and ate in the last days without any break from hunger. There was never enough, until then it came. The end.
It didn't happen all at once, some doubted it to be real. People stopped eating and drinking. Some kept trying anyways. It no longer did anything.
Well, you could make yourself eat the food but it felt no different. You didn't feel better or worse, and the food was mostly tasteless anyway. People tried to understand, but it was useless.
It didn't make any sense.