This feeling, that killed me made me feel empty inside, not sick, not sad, I wish that was the case.
No this feeling made me so careless, so empty that I searched for things to make me feel, I would do anything to feel again.
And so I did, and it didn’t turn out the way I expected it to, I did what I did, I did this horrible, disgusting , horribly disgusting thing and felt nothing at all,
not a single fucking thing until I realized it hurt someone, and it made me feel, it made me feel so fucking bad that I just wish I could feel empty again,
I wish I could go back to that dark fucking pit I was laying in.
It’s not that I didn’t know I would hurt him, I knew, I fucking knew, it’s that I thought in my own stupidity that I couldn’t care less about how he would feel and I couldn’t have been so wrong.
now I wish I remained laying in that dark fucking pit I was laying in before, that brown lifeless pit that everyone calls life,
I feel like I got out of it expecting to step into a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and the singing of the birds and instead I walked into hell and got shit flung at me
while Satan swung me around hell letting me on every torture device he owns like its Disneyland and now that brown dark pit filled with piss seems like a god damn mansion with playboy girls
Fuck me do I miss my brown pit.