Today is the first day back after spring break.
I walk into the classroom for 4th period Social Studies and I go to sit next to my boyfriend, David, like I usually do but this time it was different.
David moved seats and was sitting next to his friends whispering while the class was staring at me like there was a wart in the middle of my forehead that just surfaced out of the blue.
I walk over to him and his friend. Albert says, "He doesn't want to talk to you." The second bell rang for the start of the class.
I give Albert and David a confused look and go back to my desk on the opposite side of the classroom with my heart racing and stomach at the pit of my throat.
Everything was fine yesterday, what went wrong? What did I do to upset him?
The teacher starts talking and I drift off into damage control, brainstorming ways I could fix a problem that I didn't know that I had until now.
But I am not sure what the problem is exactly, so I send him a text. He looks at his phone and puts it right back into his pocket.
What the hell?! You are supposed to be my boyfriend, we've been together for 13 months, what happened today that we can't talk through? My mind is rushing with ideas trying to problem solve.
I ask myself, is he breaking up with me? Suddenly, I feel a sense of urgency. I need to talk to him outside, alone, right now.
The clock was moving as slow as molasses, yet I am staring at it as if it will move faster. Can this class be over already? I hate Social Studies.
This was the first class that I have missed, I haven't heard a word the teacher has said the entire class. I am so distracted and heartbroken, I don't know what to do with myself.
Finally, the bell rings and class is over. My stomach drops to my feet, I get up and hurry to try and catch David outside of the classroom. He blows me off.
I beg him while I fight back tears, "Please, just talk to me for 2 minutes." He stands there with an I don't give a fuck face.
I ask him, "Why are you upset with me, what did I do?" He responds shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, "It's whatever.
" I feel like I am pulling teeth for answers; "Please David, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. I think there is a misunderstanding.
" With an angry voice he responds, "No, there isn't a misunderstanding. I don't think we should be together anymore.
I had a conversation with LaKeisha and her mom and they both agreed that I should break up with you. Everyone agrees that I should break up with you.
" Dumbfounded with tears in my eyes I ask, "Who is everyone?" While I struggle to get him to make eye contact, he responds, "The football team, our whole class, everyone.
So yeah I don't want to be with you anymore." He walks away, leaving me spinning and drowning in a pit of emotions.
Thoughts began rushing back into my head, who the hell is everyone and how did he have the time to talk to "everyone" at our school?
Is this all because I wouldn't have sex with him over spring break? I feel humiliated. As he walks away, I yell, "Coward!" Somehow it brings me a sense of relief for a few seconds.
The bell rings, thank God it is last period. I can't wait to get home and crawl under a rock, forever.
Again, I am sitting here in class distracted, repeating the conversation in my head over and over like a broken record.
I am driving myself towards insanity trying to process what just happened and trying to figure out how I can make everything right again.
It feels like I have been sitting in this room for hours now. I look around the room at the colorful posters we created for career day and drift off again. The final bell rings.
I quickly walk to the restroom and call my mother from the grey bathroom stall to tell her what happened.
I break down crying on the phone, "David broke up with me!" I belt out through the tears. I am absolutely heart broken, I feel pain ripple through my chest. David is my first love.
I stare at the graffiti on the walls of the stall trying to distract myself; then I look down at my hands covered in tears and see the promise ring he gave me a month ago for
our year anniversary, suddenly I couldn't breathe.
My mother calms me down after 15 minutes or so; she tells me she is going to leave work early and meet me at home so we can do something fun together and take my mind off the heartbreak.
I rush home, run to my room, close the door and start crying. I am devastated. About an hour later, I hear the front door open, it's my mom.
She gives me a big hug and wraps her warm arms around me while I cry and cry until I can't cry anymore.
Once I stop crying, she lifts my chin up and asks, "Do you want to go get some Cold Stone? You deserve a treat." My eyes light up and I am elated, I love ice cream and it's been a horrible day.
We get in her white Toyota and I notice my mom takes a different route so we don't pass by the school, I know what she is doing and I appreciate it but my eyes still fill with tears again.
She gives me affirmations, "You are a smart, kind, beautiful young woman and you deserve the best. This is just one bump in the road, don't let it get you down.
Today, you cry until you can't cry anymore and you walk into school tomorrow with your head up high like the queen you are. Promise me you'll do that tomorrow, keep your head up.
" Teary-eyed, I say, "Ok mom, I will do my best."
I am exhausted from crying all night. I put on my favorite fashion jeans and a shirt that says "Save the drama". Let's just say I woke up feeling a little bit sassy.
I walk downstairs and see my mom; she works two hours away so she is normally gone when I wake up. "Mom, what are you still doing here?" I ask her with a puzzled look on my face.
She responds with a smile, "I decided to work from home today. Remember what I said to you yesterday, you are a queen.
I love your outfit by the way, you're rockin' it!" I hear a car honking outside, it's my carpool. As she gives me a big hug goodbye and tears start forming in my eyes, but I shake it off.
"I love you mom, I'll see you after track practice. Bye!" Aboout 15 minutes later, my neighbors and I pull up to the front of the school in a purple PT cruiser.
Here we go, I take a deep breath in and exhale. I say, "Goodbye, thank you for the ride Mrs. Jensen!" I walk into the red gate and look up to see our school mascot, a falcon hanging from above.
There is a home-made sign underneath that says, "Let's go Falcons!" with a football and yellow field goal painted on it. I take a deep breath.
I walk in with my head held high, praying that I don't run into David, any of his friends, LaKeisha or "everyone".
Half the day has gone by and everything seems cool; no one has said anything about the break-up AKA when my heart was stepped on and shattered into a million pieces.
Though I am feeling relieved that no one has asked me about David, this feeling is short lived.
While I'm at lunch, Lisa, AKA "the school lesbian", says she has something she needs to tell me in private and it is urgent.
Her and I walk over to the end of the courtyard so I can hear what she has to say and little did I know, I wasn't prepared for what I was going to hear next.
With a serious face she says, "So, as a woman, I feel like you should know that this is going on.
I know you don't know me and you don't have to believe me but David was auctioning off your virginity during A lunch.
I tried to stop it when I heard what they were talking about but he just moved to the other side of the courtyard and I had to get to class." I fight the urge to vomit.
I have B lunch; my head starts spinning. My world falls into shambles all over again.
I stupidly respond, "Thank you for telling me, but why would he do that? Why would anyone do that?
" She shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know but it happened and it's still happening, just thought you should know. I'm sorry girl, guys are shitty." Lisa walks back over to her friends sitting at the green tables, where all the cool kids sit. I rush into the restroom and hide in a last stall while I try to process everything. I stay in the restroom for the rest of B lunch, I am so embarrassed and I don't know what to do. I am humiliated by David all over again. I start seeing red, I don't know how I am going to tell my parents what happened. I go to my Spanish teacher and tell her what had happened; Mrs. Johnson is mortified and tells me that I can spend the rest of the day in her classroom and that she is going to notify the principal of David's behavior. I fight back tears for the next two classes while I pretend to be her T.A.