hey, it’s been a while since we’ve spoke, that’s to say it’s been a while since i’ve wrote, cast away my pen, miles on a boat, and the tide brought it back as though a sick joke.
i could choke, right now i need a friend, and you never were one to judge or condescend, my ink carves stories from emotions i resent, reminders life is better when you just play pretend.
i want it to end, pin the problem that ails me, predict the train of thought that aims to derail me, i sit in search of answers, my damaged mind achey, there’s no logic to my pain, im bandaging crazy.
so save me, pump me with pills, that’ll fix me, save me, tell me there’s people that’ll miss me, change me, tell me that i’m no good as me, save me, tell me who i ought to be.
that’ll set me free, make me a new man, what does it mean to be one, i’m not sure i understand? they still call me boy as though they reprimand, and these shoes are so big i can barely stand.
i’m not happy, or sad, i guess i’m in between, some say melancholic, whatever that means, my confidence today, is tomorrow’s low self esteem, you’ve watched the lines blur between nightmares and dreams.
where negativity seems to be a recurring theme, but honestly, truthfully, i’m tired it would seem, i dream of swimming against the current, making it upstream, only to be washed back down, water muffling my screams.
i dry off in the moonlights beam and wonder, is this a spotlight i am standing under? is the world looking at me waiting for thunder? the pressure is a lot where can i run to?
see the trees have eyes, i can feel their gaze, it burns my soul, leaves my ego in flames, they expect me to dance for their own gain, and i have no shame, i’ll dance again.
the moment i tire, the eyes turn away, weak and frail, they won’t have me this way, if the entertainment ain’t fun, you don’t stay, who wants to see a clown on their bad day?
then i woke up in sweats, tears staining your paper, heart beating with echoes as though stuck in a crater, with thoughts of a future where i embody a failure, i promised i’d come tell you all bout it later.
i didn’t want it this way, i had plans you know, it wasn’t meant to be happy come happy go, i had big dreams, yeah, cloud nine i’d float, then it rained, disappeared and i fell back below.
sorry i know, i tell you all the time, you’ve heard my every thought in form of rhyme, others will claim they didn’t see the signs, then you can reveal they were always in plain sight.
what a night, well, my ink is running dry, there’s only so much i have the courage to write, i can’t gather a clear thought, no matter how hard i try, who knows, maybe i’ll do better next time.
until then, within my best friend i’ll confide, my trusty diary, where my withered thoughts hide, and if i cry, know it’s because the emotions locked inside, are escaping through the cracked corners of my broken mind.