by tessa_gray_ (thementofreshmaker)
fact: in the united states, over one million lives are lost every year to suicide.
fact: you’re going down that spiral and you just don’t care.
fact: i don’t want you to become another statistic.
fact: i’m terrified of losing you.
i’m scared that you’ll be gone before the sun rises.
you’ve gotten so much worse in the past few months.
dare i say it rivals last year’s many incidents.
remember? you were hospitalized several times for god’s sake.
i thought you learned your lesson after that.
but now you’re buying drugs. you’re getting careless.
you flaunt your eating disorders.
most of what you post online is about how much you hate yourself and how much you’re hurting yourself.
i can’t look at you without wanting to shout at you.
“STOP!” i would say. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself? Can’t you understand how much this hurts to see? Why can’t you just ask for help? Why must you be so goddamned stubborn?”
why? why, why, why, why?
it’s all i can ever think about anymore.
i don’t know how to help you.
i’ve researched and looked at website after website.
but it’s all the same thing.
there’s nothing that truly helps.
because i’ve tried this shit ever since we got close.
and it’s done absolutely nothing.
how do i help you?
i’ve exhausted myself.
i’ve exhausted my resources.
will talking to you about it work?
how can i help you?
cause i’ve never been more scared in my life.
i’ve never wanted anything more than to help you.
i’ve always wanted you to be okay.
i need you.
you know i do.
i’ve proved it countless times.
maybe it’s selfish but if i have to be selfish to keep you here, than so be it.