Songs That Make Me See Red!
Songs That Make Me See Red! novelty stories
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tbanarchy
tbanarchy Sometimes serious, mostly snarky author.
Autoplay OFF   •   10 months ago
by tbanarchy "Butterfly Kisses"

Songs That Make Me See Red!

by tbanarchy

It's been said how music "has charms to soothe the savage beast." Whoever said that has obviously never heard any of THESE songs!

"Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle

A lot of people said "Aw!" when THIS song-about a father who enjoys getting "butterfly kisses" from his young daughter-came out. I myself felt like calling child services on whoever wrote this annoying song every time I heard it.

"Here Comes Summer" by Jerry Keller

With lyrics like "When we kissed she made my flattop curl!" you can tell it was from the cheesy fifties. Seriously, this song makes Pat Boone sound like Ozzy Osbourne (which is fitting since Pat once recorded a, uh-hum, heavy metal album)!

"Silent Night"

I'm not much on Christmas tunes to begin with but this one-though it is a classic-would have to be my LEAST favorite. It's not because of the subject matter but rather the dreary way it's sung just makes me feel, well, dreary.

"Happy Jack" by The Who

This is one of my LEAST favorite songs by The Who. So, no, I'm NOTa-dare I say it!-"happy jack" whenever I hear the damn thing!

"Rock & Roll All Nite" by Toad The Wet Sprocket

This is a "cover" of the classic KISS song by 90s pop group Toad The Wet Sprocket. This, uh-hum, cover song was on KISS's "tribute" album KISS MY ASS. Yeah, SOME tribute! I mean, they sang the song as a damn ballad! At least Poison's cover of the song actually sounded like the original version.

"I Love You" by Barney The Dinosaur

Yeah, I know, kids songs are annoying as hell to begin with, but THIS song took annoying kiddie tunes to a whole NEW level of annoyance! This is ONE dinosaur I wished had become extinct!

"I Love You" by Vanilla Ice

Perhaps even MORE annoying than the Barney song is THIS "love rap" from white boy rapper Vanilla Ice. Some-or many-would no doubt have picked his "hit" song "Ice Ice Baby" but at least THAT song sounds kind of like the classic song "Under Pressure" by Queen & David Bowie.

"Pac Man Fever" by Buckner & Garcia

"Pac Man Fever/It's drivin' me crazy/Pac Man Fever/I'm goin' out of my mind!" I don't think truer words have EVER been spoken in a song since even today whenever I hear this damn song it STILL drives me crazy and I feel like I'm going out of my damn mind!

"Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker, Jr.

I actually like a couple of Ray Parker's songs-which are usually about fooling around-but I remember when THIS song came out and was played on the damn radio every few seconds, it seemed like, so I think you can understand why I'm NOT such a fan of this RPJ tune.

"Swingin'" by John Anderson

I've actually warmed up a little to this song over the years but, when this song came out in the early-80s, it was played SO damn much every time I heard it I felt like doing a little "swingin'" myself (and NOT the type of "swingin'" John refers to in the song!).

"Have You Ever Cheated On Me?" by Reba McEntire

Usually in country songs about cheating they DO the actual cheating. But not in THIS song where the cheating was only done in Reba's mind. And I wish she would've kept this song in her mind, if you know what I mean!

"Sam Hill" by Merle Haggard

I'm, of course, a HUGE Merle Haggard fan. But I thought this was one of his MOST annoying songs released back early in his career. "Okie From Muskogee" it most definitely is NOT!

Pretty much ANY "novelty" song from the nineties.

The 90s were filled with so-called "novelty" songs such as "Who Let The Dogs Out", "Whoop There It Is" and that "Macarena" song. And they pretty much ALL annoyed the living hell out of me!

If anyone actually enjoys these songs, that's fine with me. But the FIRST person who sings to me "I Love You" by that fucking Barney so help me!

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