Some Of My Favorite X-Mas Flicks
Some Of My Favorite X-Mas Flicks humor stories
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tbanarchy
tbanarchyhttp://amazon.com/author/angelray
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by tbanarchy I'm not much on Christmas flicks, like Christmas songs, because they tend to be too "syrupy" and also tend to dictate how one should feel about the "spirit" of Christmas.

Some Of My Favorite X-Mas Flicks

by tbanarchy

I'm not much on Christmas flicks, like Christmas songs, because they tend to be too "schmaltzy" and also tend to dictate how one should feel about the "spirit" of Christmas.

Even though Christmas started off as being a Roman winter festival called Saturnalia that was even BANNED for years by the Protestant church because they felt it was too "pagan". ("War on Christmas" indeed!)

Anyway, here's a few of my all-time favorite X-Mas flicks (and see if you can notice a "pattern" to this list):

SCROOGE a.k.a. A CHRISTMAS CAROL

While I thought George C. Scott & Patrick Stewart (yes, Capt. Picard!) were pretty good in their portrayals of the classic Dickens's character, Alastair Sim was by far my favorite Scrooge. I like Scrooge because he's such a nasty bastard, at least in the beginning.

BAD SANTA 1 & 2

Bad Santa-and its sequel-stars noted weirdo actor Billy Bob Thornton as a, well, "bad Santa" who drinks & screws & does OTHER things that would put one of Santa's "naughty" list. BS 2 was an OK movie but wasn't as good as the first one (but then, sequels rarely are).

SILENT NIGHT

Silent Night is a 2012 remake of the holiday horror, uh-hum, classic from the eighties about a murderous Santa who, among other things, throws a topless chick through a wood chipper. (Which I say is a waste of a perfectly good "Ho, ho, ho"!)

SANTA'S SLAY

This is a horror comedy-yes, there IS such a thing!-that stars pro-wrestler Bill Goldberg as the REAL Santa who, instead of giving presents, he just kills everyone, including The Nanny. (I guess he got tired of hearing that annoying laugh of hers!)

ELF

I'm not what you'd call the biggest Will Farrell fan, but I did like this flick which has since become a modern-day holiday classic. Of course, it won't be long before they "edit" the duet of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" between Will & that New Girl chick because it "offends" the PCers (and we know how we have to please THEM!).

GREMLINS

This classic 80s film about creatures called Gremlins that attack a town on Christmas is a mix of "schmaltzy" and horrific. Plus it stars the "uber" hot Phoebe Cates! (Though she DOESN'T show her ta-tas like she did in Fast Times. Damn!)

JINGLE ALL THE WAY

Jingle All The Way stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as a dad searching for a popular toy on Christmas that's all sold out. I like this flick because it's a "parody" on how batshit crazy people can get on Christmas, especially when buying gifts.

DEAD BANG

This 80s action flick starring Don Johnson is most likely NOT on anyone's Christmas movie list, but it shows Don's cop character puking on a suspect on Christmas. (And we all know it's NOT X-Mas until somebody barfs on somebody!)

A CHRISTMAS SNOW

I'm actually surprised I like this Christmas flick since it's by far the most "schmaltzy" of all the X-Mas flicks I've listed (though there is a "supernatural" twist at the end). Who knows? Maybe there's hope for my pervy ass! (Nah!)

DIE HARD

There's been a debate for years about whether or not this 80s action flick starring Bruce Willis is an actual X-Mas flick since it takes place on X-Mas. Bruce Willis has come out and said it's NOT an X-Mas flick. I say it's sure beats the hell out of watching "It's A Wonderful freakin' Life"!

Here's an interesting note about the original Silent Night, Deadly Night: Back in the 80s, outraged "parent" groups got the film removed from theaters because they claimed the film presented a "negative" image of Santa Claus.

Two things about this: First, this was an R-rated movie, and two (and MOST importantly), SANTA CLAUS IS NOT FUCKING REAL!!!!

I swear, these people are as DUMB as the PCers who want to change-and, no, I'm NOT making this up!-gingerbread men to gingerbread PEOPLE because . . . racism?

Anyway, have a Happy (or is it Merry?) Saturnalia, you heathens!

And to quote another holiday, er, classic . . .

And, oh yeah, did you notice how most of my favorite X-Mas flicks are horror flicks? I'm sure there are a few shrinks out there who would have a little something to say about THAT!

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