By now I'm sure everyone has either seen or at least heard about comedian Ricky Gervais by-now-infamous opening monologue at this year's Golden Globes.
Among other hilarious things, he told his fellow "woke" celebrities in the audience how they were NOT in any position to lecture anyone about, well, anything.
He also told them how they should get up, take their award, thank their agent and/or their "god" and sit down and STFU (though that part of Ricky's monologue was censored).
Of course, many-or most-of Ricky's fellow "woke" celebs appeared none-too-pleased about being torn a new "woke" one so publicly by Ricky. (Right, Tom Hanks?)
And, of course, Ricky was roundly criticized by the "woke" media and some of his fellow "woke" celebs for daring to tell the TRUTH about their "woke" asses and/or bullshit.
But I got to thinking what I would've said if I had been hosting the Golden Globes. I, of course, would've said basically the same thing as Ricky except I would've changed one thing.
I would've pointed out how me telling them to just accept their award and STFU about their "wokeness" would likely fall on deaf ears. So, instead, I came up with what I feel is a suitable compromise, which is the following:
If you've given the likes of Harvey Weinstein, Roman Polanski and/or Jeffrey Epstein a free pass, then you should STFU about the "importance" of #MeToo and such.
If you fly around in gas-guzzling private jets and/or party on private yachts, then you should STFU about so-called climate change and/or global warming.
If you at any time surround yourself with heavily-armed bodyguards (as, of course, many "woke" celebrities do), then you should STFU about gun control.
If you live in a gated community and the ONLY time you allow an immigrant into your home is to clean your shitty toilet, then you should STFU about how "immoral" THIS guy's "wall" is.
If you turn a blind eye to the horrible human rights abuses of China so your film can make extra money at the box office, then you should STFU about the poor and the downtrodden.
Now, if any of you are NOT guilty of doing ANY of these things, then you can get up here and "virtue-signal" your little "woke" ass off. Deal?
Oh yeah, here's something else about the Golden Globes: The show Adam Ruins Everything did a show about how "rigged" Hollywood awards shows are, including-and especially-the Golden Globes.
Denzel Washington even joked one year on the GG about how "rigged" the awards show was after he had "won" one (which, of course, the show ARE also pointed out).
And, oh yeah, here's one thing I would most definitely say if I ever hosted an awards show (which, of course, is probably a snowball's chance in hell of that EVER happening!):
I would point out something the late great Robert Mitchum once said during an interview about why he chose to become an actor.
He just shrugged in his usual don't-give-a-shit manner and said how one of the most popular actors of all time was Rin Tin Tin who was, of course, a DOG.
He then said he figured if a DOG can act, then ANYONE can act!
Also, besides Ricky Gervais's monologue, another thing I, uh-hum, enjoyed about the Golden Globes this year was Salma Hayek's, uh-hum, outift.
Man, talk about Golden Globes, amirite, Ricky!
I would've, of course, said something about Patricia Arquette's cleavage, but she had to ruin it with her "woke" speech.
I mean, I don't know anything about Elvira's views on, say, climate change and I don't care to know!
Again, amirite, Ricky!
And, lastly, like Ricky Gervais himself has said: Just because you're "offended" doesn't make you RIGHT.