My "Review" Of One Of Those Twilight Flicks
My "Review" Of One Of Those Twilight Flicks cinema stories
  •   1 comment

Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
I got your "sparkly" vampire right HERE!

My "Review" Of One Of Those Twilight Flicks

by tbanarchy

So I noticed one day one of those Twilight flicks was on TV so I decided to watch a little bit of it to see what all the hoopla was about.

I don't recall the title of it but it was the one where the weird chick was planning to marry the "sparkly" vampire.

However, in order for them to be properly married, the "sparkly" vampire had to turn the weird chick into a-you guessed it!-vampire.

In the part I watched, everyone was telling the weird chick NOT to marry the "sparkly" vampire, including the other vampires, telling her it was NOT a life she would want to live.

In one particularly disturbing scene, one of the female vamps was telling the weird chick how she was turned into a vampire by another vampire AFTER she was gang-raped by a group of other guys.

I stopped watching it after the gang-rape scene, thinking how this shit was "marketed" to young girls!

I mean, the "sparkly" vampire would be considered a stalker in real life along with being an "abusive" boyfriend. In fact, at one point, "sparkly" vampire nearly KILLS the weird chick (and this was BEFORE turning her into a vampire!)!

Again, seriously, this shit was "marketed" to young girls? I mean, it was like watching a Lifetime movie where a girl's friends are "warning" her NOT to marry her "abusive" boyfriend (and, of course, she does it anyway with disastrous results).

What got to me is how, with a few exceptions, there wasn't much of an outcry from the media OR the "feminists" about this. In fact, there were those in the media along with a number of "feminists" who DEFENDED Twilight.

For example, an article on admitted how the "sparkly" vampire in Twilight was indeed "possessive" but added how the main character in the classic film The Graduate was likewise "possessive".

The BIG difference is that The Graduate was about a college-aged man being seduced by an older woman whereas Twilight is about a 1000-year-old guy lusting after a high school gal! (Again, in real life, this guy would also be considered a pedophile.)

Another BIG difference is that Dustin Hoffman DIDN'T act "violently" towards Anne Bancroft (at least not that I can recall).

Another article "defending" Twilight which I found on I found during a Google search, BTW-stated that, while conceding how the "sparkly" vampire did indeed have his "creepy" side, he was STILL, as the article noted, "perfection". Yeah.

Another rather "creepy" thing I found about the Twilight books & movies was how the weird chick's other "love" interest was a "hunky" werewolf. So she was into both necrophilia AND bestiality? There again, this shit was "marketed" to young girls?

Some might argue how the Twilight phenomenom came out before the so-called #MeToo movement and all that. But how long have we heard from the media AND the "feminists" how, say, porn is "degrading" and/or promotes "violence" towards women?

But at least porn involves consenting ADULTS unlike stuff like Twilight which, once again, was "marketed" to teen and pre-teen GIRLS.

Again, some might argue how Twilight and similar books and movies such as 50 Shades Of Grey (which started out being Twilight fanfiction) are merely "fantasy" and I would agree with them.

But, on the other hand, when you have teenybopper sites swooning over a character, "sparkly" vampire or no, whom they ADMIT is "creepy" and has other "issues" I think there MIGHT be cause for alarm, you know what I mean?

Though I've never watched an entire Twilight flick or read any of the books (I read "urban fantasy" myself), I did watch the Twilight parody titled, appropriately enough, Vampires Suck.

In one scene parodying the scene where the "sparkly" vampire "watches" weird chick sleep in her room, while the vampire in VS "watches" the girl sleep and remarks how "romantic" it is, she lets out a BIG fart which causes said vampire to fall out the window.

And, speaking of parodies (and porn!), there's also, it should come as NO surprise, a Twilight porn parody (more than one, in fact!). And, for the record, I haven't, uh-hum, watched any of THEM either!

It's probably less "creepy than the E.T. porn parody they put out (pardon the pun!). Yeah, making a porno parody out of a kids's film. There's nothing "creepy" about THAT at all! #SarcasmAlert

Seriously, they'll make a porno parody out of ANYTHING!

One thing about the Twilight flicks that always made me wonder is why would two guys be THIS "obsessed" with Kristen Stewart?

Now, say, Megan Fox I can understand! She'd make a sexy blood, uh, sucker!

And anyone from the media and/or the "feminists" who would denounce me as being "sexist" for saying THAT, it wasn't like they cast that Paul Blart guy to play either the "sparkly" vampire or the "hunky" werewolf, you know what I mean?

And one MORE thing I'd like to say about Twilight: VAMPIRES DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE!!!!

I swear, Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee must be rolling around in their graves!

Stories We Think You'll Love 💕

Get The App

App Store