"You wanna know how to kill a vampire?" he asked her after taking a drag off his cigarette. "Do you really wanna know?"
She nodded her head.
"Well," he began to say, taking another drag, "if you wanna kill a vampire, forget all that Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Twilight bullshit."
A cloud of cigarette smoke swirled around his head as he propped one elbow on his knee and peered off in contemplation.
"Everything you've read in books, everything you've seen in the movies, is all bogus when it comes to offing a bloodsucker."
She decided to play along with his little game, at least for the moment, figuring the longer she humored him the longer she could stay alive and possibly find a way out of her current predicament.
"So," she said after a pause, "using garlic on them doesn't work?"
"Nope," he said as a stream of smoke blew out of his mouth. "The bloodsucking bastards eat garlic for breakfast."
"What about holy water?"
"Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "They drink that shit like mineral water."
"What about crosses?"
He laughed. "They hang those things up in their bedrooms!"
"No," he said, shaking his head again. "They bathe in that shit."
He snorted. "Wrong assholes, babe. That only works on werewolves, remember?" He then mumbled under his breath before she had a chance to continue, "At least it's supposed to anyway."
"What about stakes through the heart? Won't that work?"
Again, he snickered. "Nope." He paused to take another hit from his subsiding cigarette. "That just pisses 'em off."
"So, tell me, oh great vampire hunter," she said with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice, "what does kill a vampire?"
He snuffed out his cigarette and gave a hard look. "If you want to kill a vampire, you have to drain them."
He nodded his head with much vigor. "That's what I said. Drain them."
She asked her next question slowly as if she wasn't sure she wanted to hear his answer. "What exactly does that mean, drain them?"
"What that means, sweetheart, is that you have to drain them of their blood."
"That's right, darlin'," he said with a nefarious grin.
He had already begun working on his next cigarette as he continued with his vampire-killing lesson, "Look at it this way: Vampires drain their victims of their blood so they can survive, right?
He didn't give her a chance to respond either way as he kept on, "So, it stands to reason that if you want to kill a vampire you have to drain them of their blood . . . completely.
"How can you tell if someone is a vampire?" she asked more out of amusement than curiosity.
The man, sensing her disbelief, simply grinned as he raised his index finger and said, "Here, I'll show you."
She was speechless. She still hadn't decided if this guy was crazy or what but one thing was for certain, she had to find a way out of the mess she was in and fast. So she followed him outside to see what he had to show her.
"By the way, do I mind if I ask you your name?" she asked him as she kept following him.
He paused before he answered her, "I go by Slade."
He nodded. "You?"
She paused. "I'm Lisa."
Slade led her outside the cave they were in to this open field. There were several small bonfires surrounding the field lighting it up like a Christmas tree.
Lying in the center of the open field was this woman. Her entire body was caked in blood, but she was still moving as her body jerked and spasmed like a fish that had been out of the water for too long.
The woman looked pale, though Lisa thought maybe she had just lost a lot of blood. But then she gazed closer at her and saw that her eyes were glowing red. And her teeth look like, well, fangs.
"What's going on here?" Lisa demanded, horrified. "Who is that?"
"You wanted me to prove to you the existence of vampires," Slade told her calmly. "Well, here it is!"
The woman suddenly rose to her feet like it took no effort on her part in spite of her obvious condition. Slade aimed his rifle at her and pumped a round into her chest. In spite of that, she rose again and Slade shot her again.
Lisa watched in horror as Slade pumped round after round into the woman's chest. Though it was equally horrifying to Lisa seeing how the woman kept getting back up each time Slade shot her.
“You can’t kill me, Slade!” the woman screeched at the vengeful vampire hunter, her voice sounding like the demon-possessed that little girl in The Exorcist. “You will never kill me, you dumb fuck!”
The woman, the vampire, screamed as she lunged at Slade who quickly pulled out a machete and plunged it all the way into the vampire until the blade came out of her back.
Slade hacked away at the vampire who hissed and moaned at him until she fell back down on the ground. By now, she was so bloodied Lisa could barely made out the features on her face.
While she was lying on the ground, Slade quickly reloaded his rifle and, when she got back up again, he fired round after merciless round into the undead woman until she was no longer moving.
"Is she . . . is the vampire dead?" Lisa asked Slade as he stood there still aiming his rifle at her.
Slade took a moment to answer her as if to confirm the vampire's death himself. But then, finally, he lifted his rifle and said to Lisa. "Yep, she's dead. As a fucking doornail!"
With that, Slade gazed over at Lisa, both his trenchcoat and his face smattered with vampiric blood. He then grinned at her and asked, "So do you believe me now that vampires are real?"
With her mouth agape and her body trembling at what she had just witnessed, sha gazed back at the vampire hunter as she nodded her head and said to him, "Fuck yeah I do!"