Best Ways To "Humiliate" Yourself
Best Ways To "Humiliate" Yourself offend stories

tbanarchy Sometimes serious, mostly snarky author.
Autoplay OFF   •   10 months ago
Humiliate THIS!

Best Ways To "Humiliate" Yourself

by tbanarchy

Farting in the pool (especially if you're a hot chick!).

Being caught fapping by a family member (and especially if said family member just stands there and watch!).

Calling out another woman's name, especially her mother or sister, while you're making love to your significant other.

Going to your front door when girl scouts knock to sell you some Thin Mints with your fly open.

Shouting "Hell yeah!" during your pastor's sermon during church.

And THEN calling your pastor's hot-as-hell wife a MILF.

Driving by a grade school or a day care center in a windowless van while a cop happens to drive by.

Forgetting to delete your browsing history before your girlfriend's grandmother uses your computer to look up recipes. ("A blumpkin? Why, that sounds delicious, dear!")

When your dog humps your neighbor's leg and you say to them, "Oh, he'll be finished in a minute."

Saying publicly how much you "like" little boys.

Telling your boss how his daughter has an ass so perfect it's a shame she has to shit out of it.

Asking a woman at a "feminist" rally if she'd like to come home with you to fix you a sandwich and give you a BJ.

Going up to some random woman and offer to pay her 20 bucks to watch her "deep throat" a banana.

Fling your feces at the monkeys at the zoo. (Those zookeepers REALLY hate it when you do that shit!)

Sticking it in the wrong hole. (Hey, I'm talking about golf!)

Dropping your balls while shopping at Wal-Mart.

Whip "it" out on the very first date (since, you know, that's usually reserved for the third date!).


Use a close-up shot of your big-ass man boobs as your profile pic on social media.

Wearing a ghost costume on Halloween that looks like, say, NOT a ghost costume, if you know what I mean.

Going up to a big, burly biker and throw water in his face because he's wearing THIS guy's hat.

And, of course, not deleting old tweets where you "joke" about RAPING CHILDREN after you get hired by a "family-friendly" company to direct one of its movies.

Now THAT'S what I call humiliating!

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