Or: When This Crazy-Ass Drunk Broad Grabbed Me By The Giblets On Turkey Day!
On Thanksgiving back in 1992 I was over at my father's house. After we came back from eating Thanksgiving dinner with the relatives, my father left the house later that night.
While he was gone, I went over to the convenience store next door to get myself something to drink.
While I was in there, this spiky-haired blond gal walked in along with a shorter-haired older woman.
Suddenly the older woman begins talking to me. I could tell she was drunk since her breath smelled like a damn brewery.
Next thing I knew she's grabbing me and dragging me to the back of the convenience store to my shock.
While she's rubbing her HUGE breasts against me, she says to me with a big grin on her drunken face, "Let me see what you got down there!"
All of a sudden she reaches down and grabs my crotch and hollers out, "Goddam!" (I wasn't exactly sure what she meant by that and I, of course, DIDN'T ask!)
She grabs my junk a couple more times when the spiky-haired blond she came in with says to her, "Come on, let's go!"
While she was yanking on my family jewels, she looks back at her younger-& hotter!-pal and says, "I want to feel this peter some more!"
Her companion rolled her eyes and said "Oh my god!" before walking out.
To be honest, I was hoping this woman's spiky-haired "friend" was the one grabbing my nards but beggars CAN'T be choosers!
Anyway, the woman finally left the store and I went up to the clerk who was looking at me like, "What the hell just happened?"
I went back in the same convenience store a few nights later. When that same clerk saw me walk in, she rolled her eyes and said, "Oh no. I don't want to have another weird night!"
Needless to say, I've never been groped by a drunk older chick with huge hooters in a convenience store on Thanksgiving-or any other!-night ever again. (Damn!)
Also needless to say, I never saw the older woman-or her hotter companion!-ever again either. But, if I did ever see her again, I would've said thanks for the mammaries, uh, I mean, memories!
Now THAT'S what I call giving thanks!