Picture me, Standing there. In the middle of the street, In me underwear.
It was half-past two, And a wee bit chilly, Good thing they were roomy, Or they'd've all seen me willy!
I hadn't realised the time, And had dashed out not thinking. And me clothes were left behind, And me dignity shrinking.
And then out came me neighbours, For their after-lunch stroll, How they laughed at me panic, Oh, all very droll.
I was a miserable creature, When I dashed back inside. Tipped me laundry out the basket, And crawled in to hide.
And then me day got worse, For I had a frozen tush, In me haste me pants got snagged, And I'd left them in a bush!
The whole town had seen me bum, In all it's hairy shame, Doubtless taken a few pictures, For unwanted viral fame.
But it least it was me arse, At least they got me from behind - It weren't me panicked face, It weren't me ne'r-you-mind.