In the underwear department we went searching for my 34DD strapless bra.
"Guys look at this, James would love this right?" Faith said, pointing to a red lingerie set, a lacy bra and underwear with clips and straps and a whole lot of stuff I had no idea what they were.
"You're so naughty Faith." Lani giggled. As I looked around loads of women were browsing quietly, some on their own, some with people, older women, grandmas, girls our age.
It was like lingerie fantasy land, the calm music, the pleasing soft pink and white colours.
At the counter was a girl with long brown hair and a tight fitted white shirt and black pencil skirt, leaning on her hand, elbow on the table watching everyone.
Everyone knew what they were there for, everyone was comfortable.
Have you ever felt like you just don't belong?
I don't know how to describe it, like everyone is in some secret club and you aren't a member, everyone carries this comfortability that I just don't feel.
As I looked at Lani and Faith chatting away and the rest of the people going about their day, I thought, in fact I always think, I just don't fit in, and I don't know why.
Sometimes I try to tell myself that everyone probably is having their own problems but it doesn't seem like it. I look in the mirror and I hate my reflection, well sometimes.
It's as if when God was putting everyone's faces on he wasn't looking properly when he did mine, and it doesn't look quite right,
and it's as if when he put my essence inside me he didn't put it all, or didn't put it in properly, I just don't feel like I belong here sometimes, and I don't know why.
I could have cried right then and there at the thought of it, but I didn't. I just held it in.
"Come on, hurry up." Faith called to me, by then I'd been dawdling without realising, I guess I do it a lot.
I walked up to the girls, The girl at the counter was watching us seeming bored out of her mind,
"This is perfect, look" Lani said smiling handing me the bra, it was my size and it was strapless, but goodness gracious me seventeen blooming pounds.
"It's a bit expensive" I said.
"What did you expect, we're not in Primark." Lani moaned. The two girls were looking at me, growing irritated. Plus the dress the outfit was gonna really cost me.
"Could we pop into Primark, cos I can't pay all that" I asked breathing in waiting for them to complain. There it was. Both of them huffing and puffing.
"They won't have your size! This is better quality anyway" Faith went on. Let me just buy it so they'll shut up. I looked at the bra.
Seventeen pounds?! No, it's a new me, it's my birthday and I'm not spending all this on that poxy beige bra that is not even my skin tone!
"I can squeeze into a smaller one, I'm sure it'll be fine for one night, I'M GOING TO PRIMARK" I said assertively, put the bra back on the rack, then walked away.
I didn't see their faces, but I'm sure they were both surprised and annoyed, I walked toward the girl at the counter.
"You can't pay for your dress there!
" Lani called out, but I was already there,
I approached the girl who quickly stood up upon seeing who I guess was a supervisor or something then smiled a weak ' I don't wanna be here but I'll get in trouble if I'm not polite' kind
"Can I pay for this here?" I asked shyly showing her the dress.
"Yea of course you can." She replied, in your face Lani. I handed her the dress and stood feeling proud of myself, watching as she packaged the dress.
I didn't care what Lani or Faith had to say, I'm nobody's doormat any more, I looked over at them, they were slowly walking up to the counter.
"That'll be forty-nine, ninety-nine please". What the fudge did she just say.
"Er sorry but it says twenty-five, see." I said to her showing her the red sticker which was now noticeably old and falling off the actual label.
The girl took the label and typed in the code or something to that effect.
"She's saying it's full price" I turned to Lani and Faith who had approached. They looked at each other and didn't know what to say but more so they didn't seem to give a damn.
"Yea sorry, someone must have put this label on by mistake because this dress is full price." The girl said. Why did she say 'someone' like that, is she insinuating I put it there.
I'm way to awkward to know when to stand up for myself, I always tell myself, it's in your head they didn't mean it like that, until the other person makes a fool out of me.
I didn't know what to do.
"It's still a good price if you think about it, I mean look its by Zack Jones" Faith told me.
"Yea that's true." Lani agreed, I looked at the dress, should I just buy it? Zack Jones? Who the hell is that? I've never heard or him or them.
"Do you still want it?" The girl asked.
I looked at my friends who were stood there waiting for me to make a decision and then the counter girl who looked at me with a morsel of sympathy, mind you,
what little sympathy she did show spoke volumes in comparison to my actual friends.
"Yes I'll still take it.
" I said confidently, I felt my two friends look at one another as they always did, probably jealous I even have fifty pounds in my account, while they ask their parents for everything.
I've always been a saver, ever since I was a child, I hate depending on others for things.
I'd rather die than be someone who has to rely on other people or feel like they have a hold over me for some reason or another.
I put my card in the machine and pressed in my pin and the girl finished packing up my bag and gave it to me with my receipt.
The money not only came out of my account it came out of my soul too, FIFTY POUNDS, maybe for you that's not much but for me that's huge, but don't worry I had a plan up my sleeve.
I'd just keep the tag on and return it the next day, I just had to be extra careful not to get it dirty. Lani and Faith paid up for their outfits, then began to head out.
"I'm so hungry man!" Faith said.
"Well we still have to go to Primark for her" Lani mocked.
"Then lets get going" Faith said, the two hurried off, leaving me fumbling around with my handbag that had gotten tangled with my shopping bag.
"Oh sorry I completely forgot these" The girl said handing my some papers.
"What's that?" I asked quickly putting my bag on my shoulder.
"They're vouchers" she said.
"Oh okay, thank you." I said smiling sweetly before I left as I always do, it's important to mind ones manners.
"Your next shop will be five pounds off for you, your sister and her friend." She said. My smile dropped. Sister?
"She's not my sister, they're both my friends." I said to her.
"Oh is it? Sorry" she said. I was about to walk off, but curiosity got hold of me.
"What made you think she was my sister with her friend?" I asked.
"Oh I dunno, just you guyses group dynamic I guess" She replied smiling.
"Er Okay." I said, then walked off. I had no idea what she meant to be honest.
What the hell, I don't even look like Faith, at all, in fact I'm older than both of them, so why did she think that?
Is that how people see us, like I'm some little girl with her older sister and her friend.
People always think I'm like four years younger than I actually am, I'm used to that but the sister thing was a first.
I tried to keep it out of my mind, I hurried up to Lani and Faith who were fast walking ahead of me, they were deep in conversion about some Instagram model or something,
I don't know but barely acknowledged me, then we made our way to Primark.