[Thoughts Past Nightfall]
[Thoughts Past Nightfall] patience stories
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soundofblue
soundofblue Thoughts in silence too loud to ignore
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
A journey through my mind growing up as mental issues start to grow, but holding on to a hint of faith

[Thoughts Past Nightfall]

It all began with a crash Not knowing why, I turn to dash Without a clue or reason, i see A shattered room, scattered and trashed

My heart sank as I stood in awe for the first time I realized and I saw where I stood in this complication, a relation with a much bigger flaw

Was I too blind to see it before Or too scared to accept reality? My heart can only run so far and hide from this iniquity

I've held it all in for far too long suppressed, depressed, is it so wrong? To convince myself that it's alright that through all this I can be strong?

I feel so helpless and weak I feel a knife in my heart and through my chest My ears scream for silence while my mouth finds it impossible to speak the rest

It plays out so well in my head But reality erases those hopes instead only to find these turn of events leading to a future so dim, so dead

I blame it all on others to find this comfort that's been keeping me alive in the moment it always seems like the price of life says it's better to die

a ticking time bomb with a definite clock set to blow, animated and ready to pop Unsteady hands holding this heart about to drop or simply speeding it up to bring it to a stop

I'm surprised that I got to this point living a hypocritical life, so fake and deceiving Dressed up, getting ready for a show This daily routine that they see, believing

from the outside, everything is alright We all have problems, it's nothing hindering We'll get through it together, but we can't stop the voices that are constantly whispering

I always ask myself what should I do When there's never a passion to seek You To find pity in this world I can never imagine what it would be like if I only knew the truth

How can i reflect the image of God When every part of me is twisted and flawed Personalized sin illusions with self confusion to search for a piece of heaven above it all

How am I doing? Was it worth proving? to allow what's inside to spread and keep moving feeding the motive to avoid the consequences convincing that it's slowly improving

With relations falling short of expectations plans and aspirations changing constantly a cross connection of misunderstanding lead me to follow a future out of reach

Why am I so anxious to navigate this road With my eyes closed for better or for worse Sometimes it's better to imagine what's ahead is the end of the road like the end to a curse

I say this not as the last chapter of a story an unfortune line concluding another piece of writing but as a reminder to gather the shattered pieces, buried and left behind, of the very things I'm fighting

They'll never know, I hope they don't find out It's for the better I sometimes feel Why bring up the entire past at this point when there's enough that doesn't seem real

I finally open up out of the shroud covering me only to be greeted by the closing veil once again An unexplainable aura presiding around me greeting me like the separation of a friend

Will you ever notice me? I wonder Will I find my way out of this as I wander? Prone to depend on the things of this world And to chase second priorities only to falter

At the right time and the opportune moment I know the chance will rise in due time But my anxious heart, lacking true patience, jumps forward before making the climb

A spit of ink put down to sing of a mind broken down, lost incognito a love sprung trap, popped up to show the door shut tight, shut down the road

A stroke too short with coarse thoughts widening An invitation to a short story sung in writing Pages ripped and torn, lights too blinding Shining, lit up and matched up to see what's hiding

Puffed up in smoke, just breathe me instead The hazy sharp image I've become to dread Take me as I am, a broken sinner constantly fed the past temptations constantly filling my head

Prone to wander and wonder what can be erased Hesitant to meet my savior face to face Teach me to be one with childlike faith Because right now I'm in need of God's everlasting grace

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