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soggysalamander
soggysalamander a salamander
Autoplay OFF   •   8 months ago
A teenage boy has a fear inflicted on him by society. His inner thoughts weigh him down, will he stand up to them or be silenced by fear?

Mirror

Dread. A burning feeling that consumes your core and ignites your mind.

Thoughts racing like cars down a track, one wrong movement and the world comes crashing down around you, in a ball of fuel and flames.

Dread is the feeling that coils itself around my ankles on my way up my family's carpeted staircase. It suffocates my existence. A pulling force begging me to turn away from the bathroom door.

It's ten o'clock and as a busy ninth grader, I'm swamped with homework and assignments.

My room looks like it should belong to a frenzied journalist or detective, research and evidence strewn about the floor, not a patch of carpet in sight.

I turn my gaze to the ceiling and stare at it endlessly, the work I had been doing was a recipe for boredom and I quickly became lost in my thoughts.

The high-pitched screech of my bedroom door's hinges jolted me from my daydream.

My mum happened to be the cause for this hellish noise, she poked her head around the half-opened door, clutching at its edge.

"Sweetheart, I think it's time to go to bed soon." She paused, taking in the mess surrounding me. "Oh my god, what is that smell? When was the last time you showered?"

There it was the command that I dreaded most. I always obeyed my parents, it was just easier that way, less time spent arguing and more time for me to revel in my thoughts, alone. But now.

Now I would have to go into that dreaded bathroom. That bathroom where I know he'll be.

"Don't do it." My body told me, but there was no escaping it. Reluctantly, I turned the doorknob. Maybe, if I just shower in the dark, I won't have to see him.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I tripped over the lazily placed bathmat. It sent me crashing to the floor, my hip ached as I rose up to stand.

The hard, blue tiles had done nothing to ease my fall. I had to do it. I had to turn on the light. -And there he was, staring right at me, eyes wide and vicious.

The fear turned my insides to mush, yet I couldn't move or look away, neither did he. He stared right back, unmoving. Bold and strong. And everything I wanted to be.

Scared?

His lips didn't move, but I heard him speak. Yes, I echoed back. I felt exposed, like he could see straight through me, into my deepest thoughts and insecurities.

Hah, Squirt. His words were blunt, yet they sliced me open like a hot knife through butter.

He could see everything I wanted, the things I craved; strength, bravery, the power to protect and care for the people I love.

So frail. So skinny. How could you be anything like me? You have no power, hell, you're literally afraid of the very thing you want to be. The things he spoke, so literal, so true.

I am nothing like him. Shrimpy, and feminine. I'm the loner kid, the kid people look at standoffishly then turn to their friends and laugh about.

I'm invisible, nobody would bat an eye or even take notice of the number of days I was absent from school. I am nobody, and he knows.

My thoughts accelerate, my heartbeat rapid like a rabbit's. The more I think, the more he has to say, berating anything that enters my mind.

I know all it'd take to make him disappear, is to face him, to call him out. Speak up, I think. But it scares me, he scares me.

I hate the things he says, no matter how true, his words are lethal and agonising. But I love that I can see a side of me that will never physically exist, and I couldn't bare losing it.

I don't understand how I have the capacity to feel such strong and opposite emotions for him. But I guess, to see the light, there needs to be dark.

The room around me begins to fade as the fear consumes me. I can still hear his words in the back of my mind, and I know. I cannot escape him.

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