i want intimacy. no, not the kind, that’s meaningless in itself.
i want the kind, where he holds me tight, thinking as if this moment can last for eternity.
i want to be held to be pet, to be loved.
to be told, that the whole solar system, is held within my eyes.
and yet, i cannot let it happen.
i cry and cry, not because he has left, but because, what if he wasn’t mine in the first place.
being close with someone, means there is, a chance, of getting immensely, hurt.
i am not ready for the pain. i don’t think i will ever be ready again.
the thought of the pain of heartbreak, is enough to lead my heart astray, and just leave.
i want intimacy. yet i cannot handle the pain of when all of it ends.