Sherin Antoniya. A
Title: ALL IN MY HEAD.
By sherin Antoniya .A
I felt a pin drop silence in my room. I'm all alone with me and myself. I am alone ever since childhood. I have weird imagination and I have so many friends .
Unlike you I name my friends myself, I give them unique characters. Not everyone stays with me, only few appears when needed. My mom lives with me too still I'm alone in my perspective.
Augh my head hurts again; I'm getting those thoughts. It won't leave me even If I want to.
Those thoughts control my mind, they say what I have to do, they say negative things, it says I'm nothing and it shows me thinks like my close ones die. It shows and reveals me weird things.
I lost my appetite and sleep long ago. I lost interest in people and I don't feel comfortable around them. Even Edil regrets the things I let those thoughts do to me.
Edil is my soul's name, she is me and one of my friends. I share all things with her but I can only feel how she feels about it as she can't talk.
I don't remember lots of my friend's name because they are only my few minutes imagination and they vanish after they did what they have to. Yes, I create things in my mind.
I speak with myself more than I do with others. This is me. I want to share my experience, my war with myself.
My head hurt again. I woke up from my sleep and went to eat something as I should. My mom was there sitting, I ignored her and went straight to the kitchen to grab something.
I saw toasted bread and jam. I took them, sat on the sofa and started eating it. The Television was playing.
I watched it saying that the rates of people dying is tragically increasing due to psychological problems. Immediately my thoughts rushed like a river.
The negative side of myself inside me showed me a glance of how I would've died if I was there. I can feel myself dying but I know that is just another hallucination.
My mother didn't even notice me, she just went to the kitchen searched for the bread that I took.
After she realized the breads are missing she said nothing but came back to the hall and sat before television. I just finished my bread, left the plate on the table.
she stared the plate a minute. I left her came to my room. I hate being out of my room. I always stay inside. I laid flat on the bed and stared the ceiling.
My problem is that I hear voices and thoughts that disturbs me every time. Those thoughts had no mercy, it came without no warning and shows everything,
that makes me kind of disturbed. Seriously I don't know which part of myself turned like this. It takes control over my mind and ruins my mental health.
Like you I have feelings too but I can't express it to anyone, no one of my kind can do. I thought that this is enough. I had too much of negatives in my head so I got up, get dressed, and took a walk.
I went where my legs took me. I wandered where my mind felt peace. I went to a cemetery where souls rests in peace. I went and sat before a particular grave.
I stared at it, thoughts welled up inside me, memories of me, my real friends, the laughs, and the last time I saw my mom laugh. Everything made me feel agony.
I just lied on the stone grave, washed by my memories. I touched myself but I can't feel anything. I stood up and saw the writings on that grave. I read aloud.
It said, "Keith Evelin : 1998 - 2018. A beautiful soul is resting in peace here".
That's when I thought Keith Evelin's soul is not in peace, it feels humanly problems even though its just an empty soul with an imaginary body.
That's when I realized souls are half human with no body trapped in a imaginary state of life. Souls feel pain and they need someone to share their feelings but there is no one like that.
Who thought dead souls can also have mental problems, hallucination and so on. By the way I'm Keith Evelin.